Life for me changed completely. I started smoking, drinking. My dad was worried about me but I didn't care. I was not worried. My mom was gone. She was the only one who loved me but now she was gone.

"Sandra, please stop all this. You're killing yourself with all this. Using your mom as an excuse for your inexcusable action. You are going to a therapist tomorrow whether you like it or not." My dad spoke out one day.

What the hell is wrong with him? He should leave me the hell alone.

"Dad, you have no right to sign me up for therapy. I am perfectly fine. Alright. I'm doing great. Stop bringing mom into this. You never cared anyways." I vented out my frustration.

"Yes, I may never care but I'm making amends. Unlike you, who spits on her grave and on her name." He shouted at me. I was getting tired of his disturbance. He should leave me alone.

"Don't you dare bring mom into this dad. Making amends? What amends hmm? Sending your daughter to a therapist like she's crazy is your version of amends. Visit the dictionary because I think you are outdated." With that I was given a slap. A resounding one that turned my face to the other side.

"The next time you talk to me in such manner, I'll slap you more than that. You have no respect and shame. Instead of you to make your mother proud in her grave, you just keep disappointing her. You are worse than what I thought. I won't remind you that tomorrow, we will be going to see that therapist. If you disobey me, you will see the other side of me. Get out of my presence." My dad spoke with finality that I had no choice but to obey.

I wanted to have the last word. "I hate you."

"You'll thank me later in the future my dear. I love you." But he ended up having the last word.



I ran upstair with tears in my eyes knowing that my dad was right. I knew deep down he was. What kind of a child am I? Instead of me to make her proud even in her grave. I became a huge disappointment.

I remembered what mom normally told me when I was still little and how she led me to christ.



"My princess, do you know why I normally call you princess?" I shook my head when my mom asked.

"Cause you are beautifully and wonderfully made. A princess to the most high God. You are God's own." I nodded in response.

"So, I'm God's princess."I told my mom smiling with my incomplete teeth.

"Yes princess. It's only for qualified children." My mom said playing with my hair.

"Qualified? How can I be qualified?" I asked her waiting for her response.

"By giving your life to Christ. By accepting him as your Lord and saviour. Are you ready to be qualified?" Nodding immediately to my mom's question.

That was how she led me to Christ. I became born again


But now I have disappointed her. I have ridiculed Christ because of my sin. I refused to serve him instead I was bullying those that were serving him. I turned to a persecutor and an enemy of Christ.



I remembered what I did to Emily a month ago at school cause she was trying to preach to me.

"Good morning, please read this and I promise your life will not remain the same again." She said handing the tract to a girl that was trying to put something in her locker.

"Thanks, I promise to read it. I'm Stacy." The girl who collected the tract answered.

"I'm Emily. We are having prayer meeting please you are invited." Stacy nodded promising she'd be there.

That was when she walked up to me

"Hi Sandra, we've not seen you in church since your mom passed away. Are you okay?" Emily asked. We were once choristers.

"None of your business. Don't cross my path." I said walking away but she said something that stopped me.

"Sandra, Jesus loves you. Don't let grieve take you away from God. Your mom is in heaven rejoicing in heaven with the angels. If you die in your sin Sandra, you will lose her forever. Please, give your life to him. Let him mend you, let him ---" I interrupted her by pushing her against the locker.

"Shut the fuck up. Preach your salvation else where. Don't bother me."

"See what the devil is doing to you. Don't let him win. Think of your mom" that was when I snapped.

I gave her a dirty slap. "Don't you bring my mom into this. I am warning you." That was how I left but she didn't give up. She kept coming to me. Preaching to me and I kept torturing, bullying her but she didn't stop.



I started crying after remembering this. All the words, the preaching, the warnings. I prayed for his mercy.

"Lord Jesus, I am sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I am sorry for turning my back on you. I'm sorry for leaving a reckless life. A life your princess should not portray. Therefore, Lord forgive me. Change my heart and make me your princess henceforth. In Jesus name I pray. Amen." When I looked up, I saw my dad smiling at me. I never knew he was there all along.

I went to meet him to apologize but he pulled me into a tight hug.

"No need I have forgiven you. I'm sorry for slapping you and shouting at you. Forgive me my dear." He apologized and I nodded to say I have forgiven him.

He kissed my forehead in appreciation.

"Goodnight, don't forget therapy tomorrow. You and me." He said while I gave him the 'Aye Aye captain' sign.

"Yes sir. Good night sir" I said in a manly tone while he left laughing aloud.

I jumped on my bed remembering today. I felt this joy. Unexplainable joy and peace in my heart and that was when I knew that I was forgiven. I said a short prayer and I dozed off knowing tomorrow was going to be a long day for me.




© Faithfulness Celestine