18 views
Aphantasia
Scientists say that aphantasia is a rare condition where one fails to visualise object in mind went they are absent from one's surrounding.I have something near to it -an inability to visualise human faces.
As a child I couldn't remember what people around looked like when I recalled a past incident. Their face was no face because my imagination failed.
At twelve and thirteen,I housed a fear for it . I strained hard to comprehend why it happened and what if I forgot faces of my mother and father . There was also a
tinge of fright bearing thoughts like what if I lost my ability to imagine at all and forgot how the ones I loved looked.
By fourteen and fifteen I became extra observant of actions that took place around me for I desired to revive my imagination of anyone's expressions normally because I feared that otherwise, all memories would fade .
But I realised soon after that the picture fades and it did but what remained alive was the said conversation, the words of the other. I stepped back , back to my childhood in mind and walked forward the same footsteps again . Only this time,
I found that I had been perceiving everything in exchanged voices and conversations.
Soon after, the fear diminished and an adventure began. I figured out recently that what kept tying words in an unbreakable string was my unacknowledged ability to associate and translate them with a feeling and an inanimate object and a sight which made me exuberantly emotional, be it any emotion. Like whenever I think of the conversations I have had with my best friend, I feel as though I am walking on the huge open terrace at my grandmother's place at dusk under blushing pink sky , birds bidding farewell and sun almost set. Likewise when I bring back discussions I have had with my uncle, I assimilate the peace and empowerment nature has always served me with . Furthermore , when I think of my favourite poet, I actually almost spontaneously imagine a fusion of energies in the shape of human getting constantly fuelled by sort of higher powers , only because of how much I tend to keep seeking from his poems and evolve through it.
Now I have the power to listen scrupolously with excessive attention which helps me to see through the other, through all the punctuations, be it a gulp down the throat, closed mouthed laugh or sighs and most importantly the silences of the other be it in eyes or on lips because, you see , I seek meaning in words. So all the places and moments where words and voices fail to fit in, trigger atypical curiosity and unremitting concentration in me. This is my ability to grasp the said and the unsaid.
© All Rights Reserved
As a child I couldn't remember what people around looked like when I recalled a past incident. Their face was no face because my imagination failed.
At twelve and thirteen,I housed a fear for it . I strained hard to comprehend why it happened and what if I forgot faces of my mother and father . There was also a
tinge of fright bearing thoughts like what if I lost my ability to imagine at all and forgot how the ones I loved looked.
By fourteen and fifteen I became extra observant of actions that took place around me for I desired to revive my imagination of anyone's expressions normally because I feared that otherwise, all memories would fade .
But I realised soon after that the picture fades and it did but what remained alive was the said conversation, the words of the other. I stepped back , back to my childhood in mind and walked forward the same footsteps again . Only this time,
I found that I had been perceiving everything in exchanged voices and conversations.
Soon after, the fear diminished and an adventure began. I figured out recently that what kept tying words in an unbreakable string was my unacknowledged ability to associate and translate them with a feeling and an inanimate object and a sight which made me exuberantly emotional, be it any emotion. Like whenever I think of the conversations I have had with my best friend, I feel as though I am walking on the huge open terrace at my grandmother's place at dusk under blushing pink sky , birds bidding farewell and sun almost set. Likewise when I bring back discussions I have had with my uncle, I assimilate the peace and empowerment nature has always served me with . Furthermore , when I think of my favourite poet, I actually almost spontaneously imagine a fusion of energies in the shape of human getting constantly fuelled by sort of higher powers , only because of how much I tend to keep seeking from his poems and evolve through it.
Now I have the power to listen scrupolously with excessive attention which helps me to see through the other, through all the punctuations, be it a gulp down the throat, closed mouthed laugh or sighs and most importantly the silences of the other be it in eyes or on lips because, you see , I seek meaning in words. So all the places and moments where words and voices fail to fit in, trigger atypical curiosity and unremitting concentration in me. This is my ability to grasp the said and the unsaid.
© All Rights Reserved
