Back at base – A disused, Cold War nuclear bunker, Buckinghamshire, England…


‘You knock.’
‘No. You knock.’

Ken knocks on the door of the biggest bunker room - (Maggie’s office, on level 2)

‘Come in.’

The pair enter.

She stops writing and looks up slowly from her desk.

‘Oh, it’s you two half-wits.’
‘That’s a bit strong isn’t it, ma’am,’ replied Ken.
‘Not really.’
‘Well, we did get you what you asked for. It’s down in the lab.’
‘I know it is. But I asked you to bring me a microchip, not an arm in a Tesco bag!
………What do you have to say for yourself, Johnson.’
‘I did try to locate and retrieve the chip from him using the scanner that the tec-boys bolted to my mobile, but it just kept saying buffering. I could tell it was somewhere in his left arm, but that was about it… so it had to come with me.’
‘I hear you hacked the poor man’s arm off with some plastic scissors!’
‘I hunted round, but it’s all I could find.’

She looked at the pair and sighed heavily.

‘At the end of the day, we brought the chip back, and no one saw us… No harm done.’ said Ken, trying to ease their predicament.
‘Yes, but it’s not quite as simple as that. The now dead Mexican guy was recently kidnapped and tortured for information. Intelligence informs us he had been held somewhere underground for several days. His right hand had been crushed and held in a vice and he’d tried to escape by hacking his own arm off using his free arm. But now, how is he supposed to have done that! …They will know someone has been tampering with him.’
‘I’m sure it won’t be a problem ma’am,’ said Ken. ‘The agents from Team U.S.A picked him up and found nothing on him, just like his previous captor’s that tortured him. That’s why they dumped him in the middle of nowhere and we got the chance to check him over at the hospital. They think he’s clean, so they won’t be looking for him. I’m sure we’re in the clear.’
The Iron lady looked them both square in the eyes.
‘Like I said, it’s not as simple as that. We sent Tony and Gordon to pick him up in the VW Transporter as soon as we discovered he’d been dumped, but a civilian found him first and called an ambulance. That’s when we sent you two in.’
‘Yes, and we got it,’ restated Ken.’
‘Can you stop interrupting! ………The big problem is, we have since discovered that the Mexican had a tracking beacon on him, courtesy of Team U.S.A. So, they know he had been taken to the hospital in Devon and they also now know he died on the way there. The tracker would have shown him inactive in the morgue, but now it seems to be on the move. If they send someone in to check it out, they will discover that the Mexican is now missing another arm and will want to know why! And therefore, it won’t take them long to realise that we seem to have a great interest in it.
………We really can’t afford for them to discover that the chip exists, so you two had better start praying that they don’t ever set their eyes on the Mexican version of the bloody Venus De Milo, or the tracker!’

The odd pair sat quietly, sunk down in their chairs.

‘So, what about this tracking beacon then ma’am? Have we got a location on it?’ asked Ken.
‘Well, we were tracking it up from Devon and it was heading in the direction of London, but then we lost the signal. We really aren’t sure what is going on. It would appear that the body is being moved… Either that, or just the watch.’
‘Sorry ma’am, did you say watch? asked Ken
‘Yes, we believe the tracker was hidden in a watch that he was wearing.’
Boris tried hard to suppress a swallow and pulled down his jacket sleeve behind the desk. ‘That’s most strange. I don’t remember seeing a watch.’
‘So, what will you do about it, ma’am?’ asked Ken?
‘Well, there’s nothing we can do… unless the tracker starts emitting a signal again. Until then, we shall all live in suspense.
………Which brings me to the next item on the agenda – Your Suspensions.’

Boris stopped picking Monster Munch out of his back teeth and sat up straight. ‘Our suspensions?’
‘Yes, thanks to your little stunt, your duties will be confined to ‘‘in house.’’
‘But we did all that you asked. In fact, we went above and beyond.’
‘You two idiots went beyond alright. Beyond sanity.’
‘Now hang on a minute. With the greatest respect ma’am,’ defended Boris. ‘We risked a lot for this. We dressed up in ridiculous costumes and drove half way across the country, risking being spotted or captured, and we brought the chip back.’
‘Hey! I was the one that dressed up. You still had your suit on,’ piped up Ken, pushing Boris in the arm.
Boris pushed back. ‘We followed the instructions you left us on the voice message to the letter, ma’am,’ retorted Boris.
She banged her fist sharply on the desk.
‘But my message said, ‘Don’t mess up,’ not ‘Dress up! ………Sometimes I don’t think I can trust you two as far as I could throw you. Why do you think I sent you all that way in that old Mini?’
‘Because all the other vehicles are booked out?’ replied Boris.
‘No, it’s because there’s no way on this earth I’d let you two near the new Transporters!’
‘So, you trust me more than you do Boris then?’ said Ken, with a smile.
‘Why do you say that?’
‘Well, if you’re now employing a weight-based trust system, you must trust me more – because you could throw me further.’
Ken looked thoroughly chuffed with himself.
The lady did not look amused in the slightest.
‘I was going to suspend both of you, but for that sorry excuse for humour, I have decided to only suspend you, Livingstone. Johnson, you are to re-pair with Galloway.’
‘Oh God… Me with George, do I have to?’
‘I’ll have no complaints. And don’t eat those crisps in here, Johnson. You’re getting crumbs all in the carpet.’
‘Yes ma’am. Although, Monster Munch are not technically crisp’s in the commonly recognised definition. They are more of what you would have to call a baked, corn-based snack.’
‘I could not care less about the wretched things. Just get them out of here; and you two go with them!’
‘Yes ma’am.’
The two jumped to their feet and made a quick exit.

(continued)


@ruffedgebooks