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» Shallow «
Trigger Warning: mention of abuse, discrimination, cussing and s*cuide
• • •
Day by day, everything seems to fade out from my sight. Ever since the realisation forcefully crashed within; I became more void and apathetic to make other concern.
I despised how everything are supposed to turn out.
And I despised non other than myself when the word 'insecure' perfectly defines what I feel. Like a heavy dose of poison, the opposing images kept distracting me.
Giggling and laughters echoed in my ears again.
Are they making fun of me?
No, maybe not. I don't deserve to be given such attention.
Yeah you can say I'm like your normal side character;
I did not really dislike it, but the way I am contrasted with other's image gives me sheer disgust.
"Ah~ She's such a beauty! ..compared to this wench, who can't even be useful for once."
I flinched when I heard my crude parents' criticism; sizing me from the incomparable character that always make me look like a shadow. My dearest sister who glittered like stars, both blinding and unattainable. Her existence made me unredeemable from this society built from the people's garbage mindset.
And yet she was the total eye candy.
A precious gem polished to be showcased as perfection, as if a family treasure.
Sometimes it made me want to pity her.
When our parents' business skyrocketed and pretty much spread influence. They planned to prepare the next heir which is undoubtedly not me.
It was crystal clear that they'll choose Lynzie.
"Ohmy, I didn't knew Lynzie Moon has a sister~?"
"Whatever, she's nothing compared to her."
And I wonder who actually gave you the rights for that decision? To make comparison and make me a loser of a game that I never knew existed nor wanted to impart with.
"Ridiculous."
Worst than insects. Scums. Collective trashes who know nothing but for self indulgence and amusement.
"Rhyle! You ungrateful b!tch! Look what you'd done to my pearls!" Her high-pitched voice vibrated through my ears and I made a look of disgust, but wiped it off with my uninterested look.
"Yeah, and probably look after your cat too. You didn't pay attention to it, hence your things got ruined in return."
"You're so *** insane. You're blaming the cat !? How can you prove it isn't you ? Aren't you just a jealous thief ? Haha!"
Seriously, this girl got the looks but seems like her brain is missing. I didn't know why I ever envy someone like her.
Infront of the public and parents she perfectly modelled that ideal ' beautiful daughter of a wealthy family'. It must be tiring thus I couldn't blame her two-faced personality.
***
"Your 18th birthday is coming, Lyn ~ do tell us whatever you wish because tomorrow we'll let you select your gown." Mother's feathery words directly poured to my sister who joyfully embraced her. As if the picture of an ideal mother and daughter relationship.
"I want Rhyle to come with me. I wanna hang out with my sister too since it'll be her 17th birthday !"
Now that is a nebulous thing to say, she never cared about me, nor my birthday being celebrated.
That is why I wanted to find the reason of her blatant pretention on that night.
I was about to knock on her door.
"How could you?!? How could you?!?!! You bastard! I loved you so much, yet- that ***?!? How stupid are you–!"
Noises of things being shattered, uncontrollable sobs, and disturbing curses. It's more worst than usual. I wonder?
Her boyfriend was obviously a bad news; their relationship was befittingly toxic.
❊
"Rhyle ~ ! How do I look? "
My older sister, stood like a fine work of art infront of me.
Her impeccable beauty flawlessly matched the dress she was wearing. A bloody long dress sparkled like red wine against the light, the expensive fabric hugged her every curves and outlined her delicate features. Their praises for her outstanding appearance were really considered a fact , and as I tried look at her in my position, it was indeed plausible. However, I held remorse for the things I couldn't ever say properly.
"Looks good."
"Hmph, you really lack expression Rye." She grunted a sigh and immediately got bored from my response.
In contrast to those who feast their eyes to the rare beauty.
"Kyaah! You look exquisite miss! " The salespeople endlessly poured all the right comments towards her and ofcourse she took them all by heart.
Yes I thought there is no point to fill the brim of her satisfaction if she can easily gather its contents from those revering crowd.
Still.
At the anticipated day, it furiously came. The surreal events that cannot be undone.
The party hall was filled with high class guest, mostly young men who couldn't await to see the famous beauty of our city. Along with the effort of many servants who ensured the quality of the place in every corner. With scrumptious cuisine that remarkably satisfy appetite, entertainment, and pleasant music.
"Seriously, this is too much for a single person's birthday."
I grumbled while observing from the window above. I was boredly loitering on the top floor where my sister and I's room was located. However as time dauntingly passed, the main subject of the event was still missing. Making people impatient and worried.
She must've been here already; entertaining and laughing with the guest, yet the air on that night felt sharp.
It was oddly nerve wracking so I started to search for her too.
9:52 p.m
I stood staring at dark worn-out door. It was too old and I doubt no one had opened it for years. But the lock was unhinged, like it was forcefully opened and broke inside.
This room was for a banquet, since the mansion held a history for noble families. Therefore the place was the only thing that left abandoned, but It became our little rendezvous back in childhood. My sister and I used to snuck inside, play hide & seek or climb the grand old tree that grew in the middle of the deserted room.
Klak Klak
I stepped on a shard of glass that noisily reverberated through the hollow space. But as I had a closer look, I realized it was liquor bottles and pieces of broken mirror.
Maybe there was a drunkard who trespassed?
A smell of cigarette was trapped, I think it seems fresh.
Krunch -
Before I walked closer to the familiar tree, my foot caught on something and it crumpled beneath.
"A phone..?" I kneeled to grab it, and recognized whom it belong.
Creak..
"Oh- found you! Really, sister we're not children anymore so why are you hanging out in this place? "
My blue eyes are set above her towering frame. Wearing the crimson gown we bought the other day, the most recognised beautiful lady was staring down at me with a soulless expression.
In contrast to the elegant dress that sparkled against the dark ; her eyes that once shone like diamonds, have turned deadly empty. Her pale face, decorated with her favourite make-up was messed up by tears.
"You've really done it, huh?" I took a glimpse of a note under the tree with her bad handwriting, and it spoke her last words.
'Happy birthday to me! I'm glad to be born, and to die this day. Y'all better celebrate it with my dear sister. I love you so much, thanks for letting me glow till now! "
"Haha, sounds really you big sister. How much of a shallow idiot can you be? " Before I notice, my shoulders were heaving and my body trembled as hot tears streamed down my face.
© jyannu
• • •
Day by day, everything seems to fade out from my sight. Ever since the realisation forcefully crashed within; I became more void and apathetic to make other concern.
I despised how everything are supposed to turn out.
And I despised non other than myself when the word 'insecure' perfectly defines what I feel. Like a heavy dose of poison, the opposing images kept distracting me.
Giggling and laughters echoed in my ears again.
Are they making fun of me?
No, maybe not. I don't deserve to be given such attention.
Yeah you can say I'm like your normal side character;
I did not really dislike it, but the way I am contrasted with other's image gives me sheer disgust.
"Ah~ She's such a beauty! ..compared to this wench, who can't even be useful for once."
I flinched when I heard my crude parents' criticism; sizing me from the incomparable character that always make me look like a shadow. My dearest sister who glittered like stars, both blinding and unattainable. Her existence made me unredeemable from this society built from the people's garbage mindset.
And yet she was the total eye candy.
A precious gem polished to be showcased as perfection, as if a family treasure.
Sometimes it made me want to pity her.
When our parents' business skyrocketed and pretty much spread influence. They planned to prepare the next heir which is undoubtedly not me.
It was crystal clear that they'll choose Lynzie.
"Ohmy, I didn't knew Lynzie Moon has a sister~?"
"Whatever, she's nothing compared to her."
And I wonder who actually gave you the rights for that decision? To make comparison and make me a loser of a game that I never knew existed nor wanted to impart with.
"Ridiculous."
Worst than insects. Scums. Collective trashes who know nothing but for self indulgence and amusement.
"Rhyle! You ungrateful b!tch! Look what you'd done to my pearls!" Her high-pitched voice vibrated through my ears and I made a look of disgust, but wiped it off with my uninterested look.
"Yeah, and probably look after your cat too. You didn't pay attention to it, hence your things got ruined in return."
"You're so *** insane. You're blaming the cat !? How can you prove it isn't you ? Aren't you just a jealous thief ? Haha!"
Seriously, this girl got the looks but seems like her brain is missing. I didn't know why I ever envy someone like her.
Infront of the public and parents she perfectly modelled that ideal ' beautiful daughter of a wealthy family'. It must be tiring thus I couldn't blame her two-faced personality.
***
"Your 18th birthday is coming, Lyn ~ do tell us whatever you wish because tomorrow we'll let you select your gown." Mother's feathery words directly poured to my sister who joyfully embraced her. As if the picture of an ideal mother and daughter relationship.
"I want Rhyle to come with me. I wanna hang out with my sister too since it'll be her 17th birthday !"
Now that is a nebulous thing to say, she never cared about me, nor my birthday being celebrated.
That is why I wanted to find the reason of her blatant pretention on that night.
I was about to knock on her door.
"How could you?!? How could you?!?!! You bastard! I loved you so much, yet- that ***?!? How stupid are you–!"
Noises of things being shattered, uncontrollable sobs, and disturbing curses. It's more worst than usual. I wonder?
Her boyfriend was obviously a bad news; their relationship was befittingly toxic.
❊
"Rhyle ~ ! How do I look? "
My older sister, stood like a fine work of art infront of me.
Her impeccable beauty flawlessly matched the dress she was wearing. A bloody long dress sparkled like red wine against the light, the expensive fabric hugged her every curves and outlined her delicate features. Their praises for her outstanding appearance were really considered a fact , and as I tried look at her in my position, it was indeed plausible. However, I held remorse for the things I couldn't ever say properly.
"Looks good."
"Hmph, you really lack expression Rye." She grunted a sigh and immediately got bored from my response.
In contrast to those who feast their eyes to the rare beauty.
"Kyaah! You look exquisite miss! " The salespeople endlessly poured all the right comments towards her and ofcourse she took them all by heart.
Yes I thought there is no point to fill the brim of her satisfaction if she can easily gather its contents from those revering crowd.
Still.
At the anticipated day, it furiously came. The surreal events that cannot be undone.
The party hall was filled with high class guest, mostly young men who couldn't await to see the famous beauty of our city. Along with the effort of many servants who ensured the quality of the place in every corner. With scrumptious cuisine that remarkably satisfy appetite, entertainment, and pleasant music.
"Seriously, this is too much for a single person's birthday."
I grumbled while observing from the window above. I was boredly loitering on the top floor where my sister and I's room was located. However as time dauntingly passed, the main subject of the event was still missing. Making people impatient and worried.
She must've been here already; entertaining and laughing with the guest, yet the air on that night felt sharp.
It was oddly nerve wracking so I started to search for her too.
9:52 p.m
I stood staring at dark worn-out door. It was too old and I doubt no one had opened it for years. But the lock was unhinged, like it was forcefully opened and broke inside.
This room was for a banquet, since the mansion held a history for noble families. Therefore the place was the only thing that left abandoned, but It became our little rendezvous back in childhood. My sister and I used to snuck inside, play hide & seek or climb the grand old tree that grew in the middle of the deserted room.
Klak Klak
I stepped on a shard of glass that noisily reverberated through the hollow space. But as I had a closer look, I realized it was liquor bottles and pieces of broken mirror.
Maybe there was a drunkard who trespassed?
A smell of cigarette was trapped, I think it seems fresh.
Krunch -
Before I walked closer to the familiar tree, my foot caught on something and it crumpled beneath.
"A phone..?" I kneeled to grab it, and recognized whom it belong.
Creak..
"Oh- found you! Really, sister we're not children anymore so why are you hanging out in this place? "
My blue eyes are set above her towering frame. Wearing the crimson gown we bought the other day, the most recognised beautiful lady was staring down at me with a soulless expression.
In contrast to the elegant dress that sparkled against the dark ; her eyes that once shone like diamonds, have turned deadly empty. Her pale face, decorated with her favourite make-up was messed up by tears.
"You've really done it, huh?" I took a glimpse of a note under the tree with her bad handwriting, and it spoke her last words.
'Happy birthday to me! I'm glad to be born, and to die this day. Y'all better celebrate it with my dear sister. I love you so much, thanks for letting me glow till now! "
"Haha, sounds really you big sister. How much of a shallow idiot can you be? " Before I notice, my shoulders were heaving and my body trembled as hot tears streamed down my face.
© jyannu
