19 was the age of the secretly lonesome boy/man as he found parking amongst the part of town robust with hotels. He didn't know the difference, but with age he would increasingly gain a wiser ability to discern between a boy & a man which was age irrelevant. As he killed the engine, he gripped the steering wheel as he tried to make sense of his choice and its impulsivity.
"What the fuck are you doing? Is it for the experience? He's not even remotely your type, I mean he's big but James Corden he is definitely not"
He felt guilty & could never ghost on anyone regardless of regrets or fears. He was lonely and just wanted to be the section of himself, that needed to be in the arms of a large, bearish, guy.
Thanks parents, catholicism, toxic masculinity, and being born for all your guidance and positivity towards self-acceptance. His favorite part of the journey was the incessancy of suicidal thoughts.
He took a deep breath as he exited his car and began to follow the directions. He was nervous, but not to meet this guy who he already knew was nothing special. He was nervous because he never did this before, the guy was double digits older than him, but mostly the uncertainty of expectations. He didn't want to hurt this man's feelings.

"Heeey, you found me and you actually came. I wasn't sure. "
His demeanor was relaxing and calming.

"Yeah I came, sorry to ask but we're you uncertain because it's common? No shows?"

It was just after dawn, a time that conveniently chose itself because 19 was still 'covert' and he wouldn't run into anyone so early. Besides that, the early time could've been why he thought 19 might've overslept, resulting in a no show
.
" Not too much, but unfortunately yeah, for whatever reasons there are guys now & then that don't show. Then, you never hear from them again. No offense but younger guys tend to do that alot which is why I was genuinely surprised when you appeared."
His facial expression led 19 to feel he knew it was superficiality along with a persons difficulty to say no. 19 knew because he was that person.

" I'm not surprised. Young equals irresponsibility, lying caused by fear of conflict, broken promises, the list of young man disorders carry length, throw a rainbow in that mess and I dunno. However, now that we've both kept our words...?"
19 arched a single eyebrow with the intention of conveying his interest in what comes next.

The gentleman, who was a sweetheart through & through asked 19 if he was hungry, or if he wanted to see the gentleman's room, with a slightly embarrassed smirk. The gentleman added
"We can just brainstorm plans in a...