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firsthand account
#fanfiction #fanfic #finalfantasy9 #kuja #1stpersonpov #bodyhorror
it's a fanfic again! this is a body horror story, told from the elder brother of two characters who were created in a lab, rather than born.
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I think the most interesting thing I ever learned about the Gaians is how their minds begin. At least to their own reckoning – did you know it starts gradually? Day upon day, their mind builds and builds like a curling coil… yet the tension pushes up only gradually. They unfurl!
…
Well, that’s not how it was for things like us, Zidane. Even you, who grew like a Gaian.. you were never an infant like them. I was watching on the day you could first answer our dear master back.
I could barely believe that voice was coming out of one of us. In this little baby monotone, you rattled off exactly how long it had been since your very first thought. I think it had been days. Even though you didn’t have your senses yet, you were awake – but deaf and blind as a kitten until that hour. And that was it – the very, very start of you. If you hadn’t lost your memory… well! You never forgot an instant of it, before then. Isn’t that an interesting thought?
…
Well, Zidane.
Do you want to know better what it’s like?
I don’t really care what your answer is. Just grin and bear with me. Think of it like a cultural education! Yet another fascinating morsel of what it is you came from.
The first moment I was ‘alive,’ I knew how to move limbs I didn’t even have yet. I knew how to speak words I lacked the tongue to form. It was all part of me before my heart had ever stuttered a single beat. Oh, but the kindness of it was the thing I was, it didn’t know how to be afraid! It was absolutely ambivalent with the situation. It knew I was a Genome, it knew the shape of the body I was supposed to have… it knew the words of Terra. It knew our purpose as vessel.
From those very first moments.. I knew there was something deep in me that I was not the master of. This.. implicitness, I guess you could call it. The thing that taught me to speak and walk without ever teaching. The thing that put every little hair, nail, and organ into place.
My wish from the beginning was to become greater than that thing.
Hm, well. I guess you know how that worked out for me. Like a cuff that closes closer the more you struggle, mostly I made the situation worse. O, destroyer! Woe betides him.
…
I hate it when you look at me like that. Why do you even listen to me? Don’t you have anything better to do with yourself, chosen of light? What point is there in it for you? All I can do is kill time until it’s all over again – and even counting on that, there’s no end to it at all.
…
Well, Zidane. Have fun with your battles. And keep in mind.. perhaps forgetfulness can be a boon, after all.
it's a fanfic again! this is a body horror story, told from the elder brother of two characters who were created in a lab, rather than born.
------~~~~~~~~~~~------
I think the most interesting thing I ever learned about the Gaians is how their minds begin. At least to their own reckoning – did you know it starts gradually? Day upon day, their mind builds and builds like a curling coil… yet the tension pushes up only gradually. They unfurl!
…
Well, that’s not how it was for things like us, Zidane. Even you, who grew like a Gaian.. you were never an infant like them. I was watching on the day you could first answer our dear master back.
I could barely believe that voice was coming out of one of us. In this little baby monotone, you rattled off exactly how long it had been since your very first thought. I think it had been days. Even though you didn’t have your senses yet, you were awake – but deaf and blind as a kitten until that hour. And that was it – the very, very start of you. If you hadn’t lost your memory… well! You never forgot an instant of it, before then. Isn’t that an interesting thought?
…
Well, Zidane.
Do you want to know better what it’s like?
I don’t really care what your answer is. Just grin and bear with me. Think of it like a cultural education! Yet another fascinating morsel of what it is you came from.
The first moment I was ‘alive,’ I knew how to move limbs I didn’t even have yet. I knew how to speak words I lacked the tongue to form. It was all part of me before my heart had ever stuttered a single beat. Oh, but the kindness of it was the thing I was, it didn’t know how to be afraid! It was absolutely ambivalent with the situation. It knew I was a Genome, it knew the shape of the body I was supposed to have… it knew the words of Terra. It knew our purpose as vessel.
From those very first moments.. I knew there was something deep in me that I was not the master of. This.. implicitness, I guess you could call it. The thing that taught me to speak and walk without ever teaching. The thing that put every little hair, nail, and organ into place.
My wish from the beginning was to become greater than that thing.
Hm, well. I guess you know how that worked out for me. Like a cuff that closes closer the more you struggle, mostly I made the situation worse. O, destroyer! Woe betides him.
…
I hate it when you look at me like that. Why do you even listen to me? Don’t you have anything better to do with yourself, chosen of light? What point is there in it for you? All I can do is kill time until it’s all over again – and even counting on that, there’s no end to it at all.
…
Well, Zidane. Have fun with your battles. And keep in mind.. perhaps forgetfulness can be a boon, after all.
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