I don't know how to feel
Got me and my own blood be flowing slit my shit and have flowing all around spilling down my skin to feel the fresh air breathn and reachn my energy that I need to be seen back to recovery mode so I can feel more or less gone from what's actually happening in my life I don't want to even be apart of my own little world I want out to but you don't see no chances for me to change and make a move to change and take everything I love and everyone I love with me . Get all of our made up lost fantasies that's left all of hearts broken and scarred and also forgot who's heart was more important. But was me and my son's . I could've said that of course but I have it a try to give and share and care for envious assholes that used and took us for granted and now be tryna still get in to abuse the fact I'm there . Just in the and or around the fn facility . To make his face noticable to grinning at me from afar laughing like we're nothing from the start and I wish I could've been cold as ice but I wasn't raised the way they was homeless and left in the dark but I tried. .and but they never realized just want to come and take control of my life take over my boundaries and treat me and my kid like shit I had to exit this path I've been going down for about six or seven months now and just get over how I could never open up to anybody who coming to my door for help and yet keying my car. . it sucks to have to pay for kindness instead of killing them with kindness but nobody no what I go thru how I feel alone all the time with no one to think positive about what's actually worth and valued how I used to take pride about certain things in my past life when I actually was apart of something ..and yet now that's just a memory keeping me still away from everything this why I don't like to hang out with more than one person cause I'm brought up to be a fuckn insane women with crazy feelings and fuckn up and fixn shit I shouldnt be fixing and let someone actually assist me how it should be . But I'm not wanting nobodies help it blows my mind that I was even on anybodies mind and all that. I'm left speechless really don't know what to say or feel and I can feel myself blush tho .but I don't want to lose my hopes that rise and be killled as I try to intercept in the type of life..left alone to wait for my feelings to subside and divide my mind into what's wrong and what's right point blank I can't even hide . I'm just always left on the side . To play alone . Or think alone be alone always alone . I want to chat with an open eye who understands but than again I don't want to give anybody the power to enter my mind and how I think visually and so literally about everything for them to try to control everything I've already got figured out .so I leave my house away from I live and away from the whole place I'm back on the road hoping and praying that one day I find a true friend that would actually be there as a really friend and no bitch tryna come at me for my shit I'm just so fuckn sick of it . Blow mind left what left around blood spilt on the ground now no more fuckn disappointments. Sometimes I just wish it could be that easy and I know it really could but this mommy can't be so conceited and only think about herself and of course think about her son too. His crying makes me so upset like how could I be left with so much damn disappoinment and anger and hatred and no room for love to glow and brighten both of our lives so we can finally just be calm with no stress or anxiety . Leave more just rest be reassured that I got us . And I remind both of us that I got it all in my hands and we sing and dance and be greatful for what we have until we're actually ready for the life we live to actually shine in our eyes that it was worth the wait and but yet not regret or feel bad for all the hate. And saddness that I bring