Love,a word sang by Soo many people,a wonderful feeling,a feeling that makes you want to fly,a feeling that no one can explain.I once fee in love,I was so drunk in it,,,,noone had a say in my decisions or in my say,except for him,Robert,my first love.Life was fun,happy,full of presents,hugs,every good feeling you can imagine until one day everything changed.For two years,living a lie, thinking I had found the one.I did everything for him,I was submissive, respectful and understood him in every situation but what did I get in return?A surprise of my life.After two long years of dating I came to find out I was dating a married man.And guess from who?from my friend.On asking him about him calmly I got the most shocking response of my life,"Yes,I have a wife and a child.The child is called Joy and the mother is called Winnie."He didn't even show any remorse for my feelings,,,is that how love is?You just hurt each other without caring?What hurt me the most is that all that time God had shown me the signs every once in a while,I remember how he didn't want anyone to see us together,how I had to sneak out at night to see him,how I had to pretend infront of anyone that I didn't Know him.I also remembered the things he had bought when we were together,a black Tecno cell phone which he had told me was meant for his brother yet it was for her wife,a child's basin which he had told me belonged to his neighbor back home yet it was for his child,,,I felt Soo stupid.I spent a quarter of my day crying,I needed answers but who could I ask?Had I been living a lie for two whole years? Didn't he ever love me?Wasn't I submissive enough?I gave myself to him for the first time because I believed I had found my life partner,,,what have I done?This pain turned me into a very angry person,I was angry at everyone,my friends,my siblings and even my parents.I thought of using magic on him to destroy him but I couldn't,,,I still loved him.I thought of harming his child but I never found the heart to do that.The only thing left for me to do was to cry,to cry all day, maybe the pain would go away,,but it didn't I still needed answers more than ever.I wanted to see him,to talk to him,to ask him why,to hug him,,love had completely made me mad.Everday I spent looking up his number to see if he would call and explain but it never happened,he was the one who wronged me yet he still blocked me in his social media account,,,I did what desparate teenagers do,I went online and researched the dumbest things.Things like how to get back your ex,how to cast magic spells on your ex,how to be a perfect girlfriend.Why couldn't I stop?Three months past and finally I was unblocked,,,I quickly texted him asked him how he was and asked to meet him.I didn't care about the wrongs,I mean they all say love conquers it all.I threw myself back at him like a dog to its owner.I Constantly said to myself,,,after all I can still have a part of him.I wasn't happy at all but I had to force myself to be happy.I would sneak at night with a snap of his finger just to go and see him.I had become the man in our relationship,always doing everything he wanted,buying him gifts to make him happy but not once was I appreciated,it was like I was being done for a favor but whatcould I do? I was in love.I used to see my friends receiving presents during Valentine's day,birthdays and other special days but what did I get,nothing.I remember once during women's day I woke up early in the morning to check if he had atleast quoted something nice to me but what did I get?a picture of him,his wife and his child together having fun.I was very hurt but what could I do?I was not ready to ask him why or to complain because I was not allowed to complain.Every question or topic I brought you had to fast think of how he would react I was afraid he would easily get angry and leave me.What a life,a prison I had caged myself in and given him full control of.I remember I had a friend,my best friend,Brian,who always made me happy,a friend who was always there to listen to me and advised me.In one way or another,he was the key to the prison I had locked myself in.One day I decided to call my boyfriend as usual but he always answered if he wanted and as expected he did not answer the call,so I picked the phone and talked to Brian,,,the things he said to me freed me,I felt happy,like I have a purpose in life.He advised me accordingly in my education and career life and spoke about his plans to take me back to school,,,I was happy I felt like I could be loved by other people,it was not only Robert who could give me that,I felt free,I felt relieved.It felt weird because that was one thing I had failed to do for myself for almost a year.I picked my phone,and wrote to Robert,,,"thank you,for the love and care,for now I need to be free"With this message I felt free,,I don't know what happened,I guess God used my friend to free me,to kill the toxic feeling that was eating me up every day.But one thing I came to learn from all this is that,most of us are afraid to be alone,,,we tend to spend time with the wrong people not because we are naive or stupid but because we fear to be alone.I for example,I feared to spend my weekends alone,to have noone to call my boyfriend,I felt that inorder to know I am beautiful,I have to have a boyfriend.I forgot before meeting him,I had a life,I had people who loved me,people who supported me,people who would guide me well,I threw all thay away,for what for a married man.I almost messed up my career,my childhood dream,my parents dream just for a man,a man who saw no value in me,a man who treated me how he wanted,a man who could never put aside anything for me,a man who took my pride and treated me like a desparate lady for two years.He left a scar in me,a scar which I thought could never heal,I regreted meeting him but what could I have done?It was done.But from all this I got a chance to harden,to learn how life is to expect anything from anyone,to not trust anyone easily.But also in all this I got a chance to know my true friends my best friend.But one final thing I got from all this is,never be in a hurry for love,love comes in it's own,.Love should be given willingly,love should be a thing that brings you happiness,a thing of joy and a thing which develops you positively.We should not be afraid to wait for the right person to come,we should love ourselves first and enjoy our own company before we expect someone to love us,a valuable lesson a learnt.True love takes time to reach us.