how to watch a friend die.
I am only 17, like she is, or was.
So you must constantly talk about how young she was.
How much life she had ahead of her look sad.
Even though the only human being in this world who understands you is gone.
You have to perform.
You are not allowed to retreat to your bedroom and watch the fake youtube vids you made together when you were younger.
You must post pretty pics of her on your socials with dove emojis and dates.
And you have to watch everyone she's ever hated say how much they miss her.
You are not allowed to call out these people because their tears look more real than yours.
And as you realise you no longer feel anything.
You must go and say goodbye.
In an itchy black dress at a church you know she would have hated.
No smiles, no laughter.
But you must sit that with a solemn look on your face,
as you slowly realise none of these people knew her.
When it is your turn to speak,
stare straight ahead.
If you look at her you won't be able to say it.
As you inhale, remember the sound of her laughter and suddently she is with you again.
And you realise that it isn't goodbye and she will always be with you.
I can smell her apple shampoo and I can hear her cheeky voice, thought you could get rid of me, nah haha never.
Than as you leave, turn around with one last hope that this is all some big mistake, and let the apple mist follow as you close the door.