Days of smiles, excitement and awe,
Replaced with cold calculation.
You wonder why, why is it that I’m so different now.
Something changed.
It wasn’t my demeanor,
My laughter,
Or my contagious excitement,

But the moments of silence
That passed us.
In moments where we’d normally laugh,
In moments we’d normally fight,
In moments we’d normally…

These days are long past now,
And all that’s left is a ringing.
An overwhelming noise,
A steady, cool thrumming.

Do you hear it too when you overthink at night?
Your ears searching desperately for a noise that never comes?

So I may be different now,
Hard to relate to,
Hard to know again.

I’m sorry.
This was just how I coped.

I’m different now,
I’m no longer hurt,
Sad or angry.
No longer blank,
Or meaningless or empty.

I take it day by day, hour by hour if I can.
I’m just trying to survive,
A means to an end,
That I pray never will come
And in the future where it does…

It just will.
© aura.wrote