A girls best friend would always be her father, it's a fact
I can't change it, but yes, I can cry or just act,
I was never given chance to call him dad,
I am so surprised, grumbled and glad,
the nights, where my tears ran away to embrace the pillow,
I was not able to handle myself, because I was feeling too low,
the pretended fake smiles and the thorn filled battles that I had to bear,
I know I was not the one, but always it was rare,
I got most of things, but still when I see the mirror, when I see myself deep inside then i feel incomplete again,
this invisible relationship with the heaven was always a disguised pain,
I never knew my dad, tall or short, harsh or soft, cool or rude,
but always had that dream, to call him dude,
no one ever understood the thirst inside me for the love of a dad,
only me, who making me cuddle with lies like mad,
all special days I would be writing something about someone,
but on father's day I never got memories to fill up the pain,
everytime I see my friends with their father,
I just tear my broken heart even deeper,
I never touched him, I never saw him, I never hugged him,
but everytime I touch my tears and feel my smile, I just could feel him inside,
I never found words that could explain my pain for his affection,
I always felt disconnected from this world, there was a heavenly connection,
everytime my mom said that this quality of mine matches with him,
I would just feel loving to myself and the whole world would get dim,
the photos I saw was not giving me those happiness I always wanted or not even smile,
i always tried finding him, i ran to the streets, cities finally miles,
these tradery those I created inside my heart,
will never leave me to feel complete, I will always get a harsh part,
my mom said that red was his favourite color,
but my bad luck, blood was my greatest fear,
everytime I see red I try loving it but the next moment I realise that this can't bring him back,
everytime i make the bed,I see my mom's, brother's and mine too, but there was always a lack,
everytime I see my mom doing office work, I just feel there should be one more person to do this,
the braveness I see in my brother, mostly gives me a bliss,
I try not to hurt myself, because I believe I'm a part of my dad,
and my hatred can't hurt him, I should not be that mad,
everytime I see my mom talking to her father, I just miss that part of mine,
but I had no other choice left, I just had to say I was fine,
my grandpa, my uncle and mostly everyone always tried to give me the love a father could,
but all of it just ended up causing me pain, because I was not able to find him there,
the journey of searching would never end,
I will fade away but never try to blend...!!!

-S.Logapriya
© gratitude for solitude