fading in and out of existence this numbness keeps me from loving right no matter how badly I wanna be loyal I'm a fuck up but I'm honest and I'm just sick of myself and I just hate these feelings and I run hide and break and I don't think any one could love me ...I just hate being like this I hate being stuck like this people tell me it's my fault I say it's what I deserve ...I fucked up a lot as a kid and my mom was sick in her head and body ...god she broke my soul to the point where I wanted to die at 17 but what's fucked up is she's the one who passed away and it made me fucking die inside ...I didn't even know who I was it's like I didn't exist anymore once she died I felt like a ghost ....I just felt like I was fasding away till I was screamed at to get over my loss and agony and depression and loneliness I tried to reach out and try to heal with the loved ones that lost the same person and it just made me sick either I was pushed away while I watched the people I loved fall into a addicting behaviors sooner or later I be came guilty of the same habits sickening how a person paired with the drug can destroy you ....you think your in love but you just need someone to spoil with you body with you words with your food with your things that you do deep down you just feel numb and lost and I just fucking hate my demons they always have me by the throat I pray to God they don't make it to my heart cause that's when I'll be gone if it ever goes that far I know I will suffer till I cut the line ....please tell me hoe to save me cause I don't even .. know
© bluedragon