Happy Father's Day
What you call laziness I call depression.
You tell me to smile but I can't find it.
You've broken me, shattered me and expect me to find it okay with the words "sorry".
I can't forgive you for what you've done.
You'll never understand what that did to me.
What you've done to me.
Over and over again,
Showing me I'll never be enough for anything.
Words like knives carved into memory,
You bark baring your teeth snarling,
Here I am breaking but you can't see anything.
Picking up where you left me,
Trying to gather what's left of me,
You trying to tell me "It'll be better."
I can't seem to find the better in anything.
Flashbacks take me back to when you left me.
Pictures changing back and forth from little me to the older me,
To whom I was to whom I now have to be.
Don't thank me for being strong because I've had to be.
I'll I've ever asked for was for you to accept me.
Never shown me what I deserved from beginning to end and now all you do is tell me,
"I'm old enough to understand"
When really I'm still trying to wrap my head around everything,
Just like when you had your grip around my neck telling me I'm worthless.
I can't escape from what you left with me, but somehow I'm suppose to understand.
Trying to fill your shoes when really I've out grown them.
Don't try and explain to me where you stand because I've already been there so let's try again.
You yell at me I need to grow up,
No I had to grow up at the age of 6 when I was no longer made out to be your biggest fan.
Leaving behind the childhood I never got to have,
The one you stole from me and yet now you try and make it out like it's all better.
No I don't believe you when you talk to me.
No I'm not a child but then again I can't remember the last time I was.
You weren't there for everything I fell down,
You where the one that put me nearly 6 feet underground,
Now I'm suppose fix your fuck up.
Do remember why I'm the one having to fix everything.
So thank you for ruining my entire life from what I've had,
What did you expect from me.
All I expected from you was to be my dad...

© FragmentsInTheWind