My self worth feeling low
Cause their talking all that type of shit
They stab you in the back
Not even giving a flip
They tell you all the words you want to hear
Oh, my dear is it all really clear
They tell you they love you and that your a true friend
To bad their holding a loaded gun in their other hand
They tell you that they care for you
When in reality they were scheming up a evil plan
Wanting you to lose without ever saying it to your face
Plotting on your downfall
Plotting to see you lose it all
To bad I’ve already hung my own noose
I wanted to be everyone’s friend
How stupid of me to think that’s even possible
Betrayal is everyone’s favorite game
Stabbed with their lies
Punched in the face with their false words
My own inner reality feeling like a constant blur
My intuition told me they were talking shit
I knew I was right from the start
But my heart feels like it’s falling apart
I sometimes wonder why this is all happening to me
Is it the universe teaching me a lesson, some form of Tierney
I crave close friendships like a sickness
It’s always been on my wish list
To have good people around me
Genuine relationships that make me bloom and blossom
To bad, so sad
That i'm feeling like a flower that’s been over consumed
Over- perceived
I’m down on the ground, with bended knees
Wanting to cry because I have always known the truth
Didn’t want to believe it, sometimes it’s better not to know what’s lurking in the dark
But now that I have conformation it hurts even worse
A bullet in my chest
A knife in my back
Wanting to have a spiritual heart attack
I have these issues where I want everyone to like me
It’s my inner need to feel wanted
To have the attention on me
But oh, how my attention seeking ways make me fucking bleed
Being known is a double Edged sword
I’m trying not to care about their troublesome words
I knew what was going on, what shit they were spreading
It just hurts when the truth comes out
My thoughts entangled in my brain
Driving me up the walls, feels like I’m going a little insane
I ask myself why I can’t handle rejection or not everyone liking me
Maybe it’s a self worth flaw that’s been secretly hiding
Inside my brain, inside my frontal lobe
My unconscious wanting to take its own control
I’m always worried about what others think about me
I’ve placed my self worth in their hands
I know it’s something I shouldn’t do
Because it’s turns me so sad and blue
It’s a mindset I am trying to erase
Trying to surround myself with people who are their for me
Kind and compassionate and loyal to a ‘T’
It just hurts me because I can’t figure myself out
Feeling like I’m drowning in everyone else’s perceptions of me
I just want to be fucking free
I can’t decide if I want to shut myself in
Self isolate because I’m afraid of how I’m seen
Afraid of what they all think of me
On the other hand
I can’t decide how social I choose to be
Going out with friends
Parting on weekends and smoking on weekdays
I just want to feel comforted, to feel socially safe
Sometimes I feel as if I choose the wrong people
Always been pushed to the side after they hurt me
I sit back and wonder why they tried to socially murder me, the blood dripping out my chest
I just want to take a rest
I just can’t stand myself sometimes
I’m either going 100 in the fast lane or I have parked my car on the side of the road and I won’t move forward
Feeling betrayed and hurt
Knowing the full truth hurts worse
Part of me wants to run away
And the other part of me is choosing to stay
Don’t know where to go
But to let these impulses thoughts breathe
I can’t control others actions or words but oh my fucking god, it kills me
My heart bleeds and bleeds
I know this might be to much for me
Having low self worth feels like a curse I can’t escape
I’m trying to break free, trying to resuscitate this bleeding heart
It’s all in my head, no one else is even in this mental mind game
No one else is feeling this friendship heartbreak
But I’ll keep trying
Trying to love and learn from these friendship mistakes
Learning to pick the right people
To go at my own pace
One step at a time
Leaving this old friendships behind
Yearing to start a new
Even with the old baggage I carry
I don’t want to feel so low anymore
Ready to go out and explore
Wishing for the right people to come into my life path
I’m done having all these shit talking, negative, friendship heart attacks
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