Scrolled past some of my older videos and pictures today. I looked up in thankfulness to The Almighty. In the middle of a deep pit, a tower moment of sorts, my soul being held captive by the narc...I could see the immense strain on my face. Sad eyes, body swollen with stress & worry, clumps of hair on the shower floor became a norm. Forgetting to please me but pleasing everyone else. After narc abuse, you either lose yourself completely, the seeds of the narc in you manifest destroying all the good or you burn to the ground & rise up like a phoenix. I had a medley of all 3. I became someone I personally wouldn't associate with or like. I had to rebuild, I had to stop being a victim, I had to take accountability for handing over the reigns of myself so easily. I was responsible. I drowned in pain, not sure what was happening. Today, I step out the roller coaster with gratitude for good health, mental clarity and peace above all. Circumstances may not be perfect but my mind is sharpened to deliver poetic justice. I'm awake, I'm alive & I'm present. I'm whole, I no longer vibrate low on depression, victimhood, scorn, pain or sadness. I irritate just by being who I am. I now smile right at the devil himself. The poison has been sucked out of my bloodstream. I look through a lens of love. I love all, everything and everyone. I look at souls more than I do faces. I'm so grateful for the people who believed in me and prayed for me. I'm accepting. Sometimes we are delivered to deliver others and stand firm to fight back against evil. Destroy evil at its source. Never be afraid, fear is what fuels it. Having the "mother" archetype, I'm prone to taking care of everything. The game changed when I looked within and started re-parenting me. I looked at myself as someone I love very much and the changes have been phenomenal. Believe in yourself, take care of yourself. Cut the poison out of your life, no matter who or what it may be.

© Memoirs of Maryannable's Mashables