Loosening floodgates
the final tipping point
against my feigned slumber
the stamp of dead
raging waves of reality
come to rip down my door
can't make-pretend anymore
how far
can I go on like this?

Spinning out of rotation
my fears are awake, my pain is real
walls surround me
what can I feel?
I crushed my dreams up in a ball
wrapped by another soiled magazine
to throw it away
in a trash pile
what, can I feel?

I refuse to be anyone's fool
too cool to scream and shout
all the big plans I have
floating
like dead fish in my mind
a taste of aborted fetuses on my tongue
what is the purpose?
it can only make God laugh
not a turn of his head

I'm making my world dimmer
how long can it survive?
a flicker of light in the wind
not a dent to the dark
I made back to my brother's bar
a joke, is that all I ever was?
a smile pasted
like plastic on my face
a loose tear

I'm waiting tables
I missed the bus again
I won't break if I give in
if someone else must
always be more important
if my feelings, always worthless
my sorrow, always unseen
my needs, always unaccepted
but then what am I?
© Elvin