To whom it may concern: i returned alll i earned to be burned , my true feelings are wrote and spoke in hopes that my desire to retire is revoked. im engulfed in self loathing i hate myself for my Constant and repeated failure n mistakes ,there is no greater suffering than living with my wasted life. I dont wanna make any desicions for myself anymore, if I could stay in rehab forever I would. at this point I'm Fucking Scared i will not make it back again if I relapse my mind and heart literally can't stand anymore misfortune, SHAME & Guilt EAT AWAY at ME to the point OF ME Hyper- Ventalating, and Crying uncontrollably ive never wanted to scream and just Break something as bad as I do now I want to enflict pain on myself ( i have never felt all this before now) I don't act on these feelings Becuase im still halfway metally sain and think rationally, I think theres a Breaking point. And ive reached mine, or im real fucking Close to it Im trying to be optimistic, but my thoughts are sadistic, im toxic, i want to quit. I'm trying really hard to care anymore, I mean obviously I care about being sober and successful or I wouldn't be here ,anyway I'm done complaining I love you and I'm grateful to still have a relationship with you that's not based on bias or judgment Love your long lost friend chris
© Christopher george