A month has passed
I've been trying to move on
As best I could
I know you would
Want me to. But the days just last
They're here like some evidence
Of failure. Mine, not yours
I've been far too long a mess
Trying to collect all the pieces of trust
And hope and just see the way life goes
On again.
Made a good job of it
At least it seems to be, learning things
Working hard, filling the day's last bit
Of time, chasing everything, which still means the world to me, far, far away,
Hoping to overcome this, be whole again
One day, not somewhere soon, but someday

But then it reappears with a music's sound
Or with a line written by someone long ago
Takes by surprise and shutters every doubt
You are still there deep inside my soul

No matter what I do, no matter for how long
This frenzy being busy every second
Just not to have them left for me to think
Is not a real solace then, I reckon
But an illusion, sort of dream I try to live in

This emptiness, the hole dug in my chest
Won't ever leave me, showing me the way
It'll only become wider through the days
"Time is the healer" as my momma used to say
But not this time.

I try to fight it best I can, you know ?
I try to be intelligent and proud,
I'll manage as I've always done for sure
For being weak and lost i'm not allowed

Nevertheless it will be always there
The empty space, that part of me that died
One sunny morning in December, where
You were near and everything was right
Before the last kiss, the last look into your eyes
The last embrace, the last words whispered in a sigh
Your voice, your words, your hands, my tears
Our last goodbye.

I wonder whether you are well already
How is it going there with your life
Guessing the meanings of the lyrics read
Out of these songs, that you now seem to like

Collecting pieces, hoping you are well
Wondering if you are loved again
If she like me adores your laugh
And though you were right it hurts like hell
Still I wish all of that for you to have.

So tell me darling, are you happy then?
23/01/24
© yuliaevsyukova