My head, my bloody mind
In a terrible tormenting bind.
Confused and seemingly lost,
Thoughts are aimlessly tossed.
What the hell’s going on down,
My eyes sinking under my frown.
Lost my radar a bit on Sunday,
Looking for an exit, in a way.
The thoughts keep on coming,
I can’t stop the drumming.
All I see is a world not here,
Thoughts of it are no fear.
While I think of another path,
Is it fair on family, the aftermath?
I don’t know what has me turned,
It’s just thoughts that got churned.
Three days on, walking with my dog,
I can’t escape from the fog.
I have seen help from all sorts,
All eager to turn my thoughts.
How does one think of solo dying?
Then try to hide the notion by lying.
I can’t because fibbing is a no,
In reality that is the truth and so.
I accessed the ideas and how’s,
Through the web I did browse.
Was I scared in doing the read?
When am I going to do the deed?
Notable achievement it’s definitely not,
An idea most certainly full of deathly rot.
Yes the thoughts keep on rumbling,
My effed mind is totally tumbling.
Now I know I need the help,
Long after I let out a yelp.
I am contemplating taking a drug,
One to ease my mind, like a hug.
As one adverse to medication,
Is this worth my dedication?
Is this the only way out for me?
Question after question tragically.
It’s supposed to help me sleep,
Stopping my mind plunging in deep.
It’s like Eeny meeny miney mo,
Let my mind free and let it go.
My mind is being really torn apart,
Yet last week I was on a good start.
How does one let a mind do a back flip?
Mixing up thoughts lead to a guilt trip.
So have I got really anything to lose?
If I try a pill to beat the deathly blues.
For this week, the alternate is on hold,
Time will tell whether my mind will fold.
Yes it’s disturbing to have ideas of an end,
How much more can my tortured mind fend?
Three days on, and I am no more freer
Than an avalanche trapping a skier.
Yes I am on a search for that rainbow,
But my mind is making it too slow.
If I can really boot that black cloud,
Perhaps I can relearn to be proud.
Without my voice of reason to guide me,
I am lost with nothing before to see.
I have limited commitments to see out,
Then let’s see if life is worth the shout.
I am truly a messed and confused one,
Nothing in my life seems like fun.
So three days on, I have filled the script,
Hoping it aids returning what’s been stripped.
Once again the end is looming in my head,
Got to try and shake it and put it to bed.

©EKEllis (2016)