Part I
I never turned my attention to this addiction
This addiction that now rages
i have been living in cages baby
baby
baby it don't matter if
i got all the racks in racktown
or if I’m shredding through celtics like Magic
i should be turning pages,
shorting stacks from the gym wages again
the thirst for millions
always rages.
and there ain’t nothing wrong with that.
cause it ain’t money that’s the root of all evil,
love of money is the root of that,
so when the devil walks by
bring down the brim of your hat,
don’t make eye contact,
don’t sign no democrat’s contract,
cause to real life socialist
the winner of a government contract will one day
make the perfect public utility.

like Dwayne and Greg once sang
i’m a ramblin man
thru and thru
the highway makes my heart pound,
and I’ll hit that highway in any old g ride
on the Pacific tide with sails or outboards
i just wanna be on the road with you
forever.

Part II
i put my fuckin time in on the street
two decades boys
placing checks long in zeros
at the boss's feet.
but that's just what I had to do
that's just what I had to do,
i had to do it for you
all I ever wanted was you
just cause I never asked you to stay true
doesn't mean that I didn't want you
all I wanted was you,
and I don't have you.
why don't I have you
why don't I have you?
now you're with some OG who's nothing
just a nice guy it's plain to see.
what did I ever lose besides the money when I gambled?
you're a gambler like me baby,
we keep it lit up all night,
we bang strong stuff
till our heads are right.
why has it always scared you so much to bet on me,
if you believe in me and not just my money?
what would you say if I told you that I'm about to get mine like never before,
i'm finally the boss
of a destiny that I can be proud of.
i'll give you what you want all night

but sometimes long days stretch out like hurdles,
and I'm forced to show bad hands that shake like autumn leaves
that's the ptsd from these streets
i have it bad now but please don't tell anyone,

fucked up bones and eyes right now
i got scars from the streets
i got scars from the streets
and a heart covered in dirt.

and I got all these scars being a hero,
im my biggest hero
i've saved myself so many times.
so I don't need you
but there is something that always has struck me when I think about you,
why haven't we ever had more time to take things slow
and treat love like things made of crystal glass
instead of metal
all while this new guy has all the time in the world to be an idiot baby,
but you better never forget that
one night it seems like a million years ago
we really did make love
it was the night I grew up and decided to become a man.
you probably have forgotten now so I'll jog you back
let's go back
let's go back to that last night in that hotel.

we'd been getting lit all night
the next day I was bouncing for rehab in California
the day had been long and hard one and you seemed so out of reach
right there next to me on the bed,
i told you how much I loved you like I always did but for some reason this time you listened,
and you grabbed me in tight
from your black hair tips to your toes
from you temples to your thighs,
you sent me a message
later that night I smoked a cigarette and watched you sleep,
for years and years I had avoided these types situations unprotected,
i fucked with plenty of girls outta my league
but I always knew where the exits in the airplane were
just in case pressure or weather brought the whole thing down
that night I was ok with my old life crashing down
and figured God was gonna make me a father,
he finally was cause everything felt so right
a perfect fairy tale ending was coming soon.
if I had known what the future held for me
i'd have walked the green mile
found me on the tile
dead.


Part III
i lost you right when I thought I was ready for you,
and I really got lost trying to find you,
i got so lost trying to find you.
things always got even worse when I thought they couldn't.
i couldn't hit rock bottom cause I couldn't quit digging.
and death tried to take me time and time and time again,
by bullet by drink by vein
by bullet by drink by vein
there was the big seizure in trying to quit cold turkey
the three car wrecks
boat wreck
bar fight thrown down a flight and landing with 10 staples in the skull
memory erased and I'm bombing down. mountain trail
one of nine left is all

but one night homeless on the streets of Columbia,
in some trap with a junkie beauty and a bottle of vodka
one of God's people found me not doing so well,
yeah it was Bobby and you've heard the story,
he said I was his savior so I taught him the blues,
yeah he said I was his savior and I taught him the blues
baby you've never seen bad times like I had those days.
i was homeless in the rain,
homeless in the dark,
homeless in cold,
but homeless with a spark finally
when the numbness self prescribed for the shock finally ended
there were
hospital beds and nd more hospital beds

thanksgiving in the shelter,
news year in the trap again,
birthday in the inpatient rehabilitation in California
birthday in the inpatient rehabilitation in FLORIDA
tried to forget my own birthday,
christmas in the halfway house,

i tried so hard to want to care,
and finally I did again,
finally i did after so long i felt forgotten
by my own father and sister.
i was forgotten to the nieces and nephews too young to remember me

only when you care about life
will no longer be nowhere.


Part IV
I thought of you baby,
once or twice or was it a million times,
once while sitting under the stars with a fire that blazed,
i hoped you were staring up at the same night sky
thousands of miles away.
turns out you weren’t under the desert night sky in Phoenix,
turns out you were not so lucky as me,
i was homeless but free
you were locked up in a notorious place with no heaven above you
instead breathing the putrid decay
of Maricopa County jail hell.
you were all alone
in a room packed with people.
i was all alone in one a trail that took me nowhere
we were both shivering though
i tried my hardest to stay on the ball
have I ever told you that I dreamt of making love to you on the worst nights alone when I couldn't keep suicidal thoughts from my mind?

Part V
you are the reason I'm here today,
i’m shaking right now because
i’m so not used to asking for what I want,
can you tell me what I want?
i hope you can
i hope you will
tell me please what's in my heart.


© Edward Storm