sometimes I wish I was Elzabel,
so evil and so monstorous that even God, who loves everyone, hates her.
She had killed and she was feared...
and her name lived a thousand years....

Sometimes I wish I was Hitler,
trying to conquer the world at all costs
and turning people on each other....
so much that half the world went to war because of him...and his name lived a century.

But I don't have the guts for such cruelity.
Coward. yes....I believe that's the word.
Thus the world doesn't see me.
It doesn't know my name.
I feel invisible,
and useless.
I keep asking God why he put me here,
neither am I great,
nor am I evil.
I ask him why he keeps wasting his blessings on me,
and tell him I never actually asked to be born.
I weep till I sleep.

I wake up the next day
and try to do good,
strive to be great,
but the world comes up to me,
punch me down to my knees,
beats me till I am out of breath,
stab be till I bleed to a near death....

Then I will wonder again,
why can't I be like elzabel,
or hitler,....why can't I be so evil,
so that people fear me, cause they don't know how to respect,
the polite and the good, the kind and the humble among them.

I ask God why he is wasting his days on me...and I

I cry till I sleep....
and again.

I wake up again,

and again.

I woke up today too.
oh.
maybe....maybe tonight God will agree,
that all this is quite ridiculous,
and take me home.

© KWT