You did everything right,
You taught me,
You cared for me,
And you protected me,
You gave me an outlet for my emotions,
And you helped shape me into me.
For a while at least,
Then I took a change,
I guess I looked up to you so much,
Maybe a little to much,
Because I started turning into you.
It wasn't noticeable in the beginning,
It was just small things like phrases or expressions,
But then I began acting like you in more ways then those,
I started to show less emotions like you,
I started to talk like you,
I started to show expressions like you,
I started to become brutal like you,
And I started to act like you completely.
I don't believe that you are at fault here,
I think maybe it was my fault,
Maybe I looked up to you too much,
Maybe I thought that you were the best I could become,
Even though you weren't and will never be,
Maybe I thought if I could be like you I'd wouldn't be a failure,
Maybe I thought if I was like you I'd be a hero.
What I didn't think of was that I could become my own hero,
That I could be my best me without being you,
That I wouldn't be a failure no matter what,
So I let myself get dragged into being a mini you,
And it destroyed who I once was.

I try to leave the habits,
The behaviors,
And the ideas I picked up,
But I can't,
Everytime I stop I end up going back,
Back to all of it,
I know I shouldn't,
But I can't stop,
Everything that I did with you became a drug,
The person I became with you was like my drug.
I know it's not your fault,
It's mine and will always be mine,
But I don't show that I know that,
I am angry,
Angry that I can't be who I once was,
Angry that I changed and lost my way,
Angry that I can't stop going back,
And angry at all of the times life treated me unfair.
I always found it easier to hate and be angry at person more than a concept,
I still do,
So instead of being angry at the fact that I can't stop,
I became angry with you,
I started to blame you for everything,
Because in a foriegn way my mind found it easier to hate you than the fact that I kept going back,
So my mind twisted itself into hating you,
Even though I was never actually angry at you.
I blamed you for everything,
And that blame turned into hatred,
Even with the hatred there was still a voice in the back of my mind that told me I was at fault,
No matter how much I knew that voice was right,
I ignored it and kept blaming you.
I hope one day I remember that it is my fault,
Not yours.
It's my fault for many reasons,
I looked up to you too much,
I acted like you too much,
I changed into a mini you too much,
And I thought you were a hero to much are many of those reasons,
And one day I hope that I say sorry,
Sorry that I hated you  for no reason,
Sorry that I blamed you,
Sorry that I was angry at you,
And sorry that I put you in a position that hurt you more me.
I also hope that one day I say thank you,
Thank you for taking me in,
Thank you for caring when no one else did,
Thank you for saving me,
And thank you for being my hero even if I took the hero thing to far.
As much as I know that this will never beat face to face it will be a start,
So sorry for everything,
Thank you for everything,
And you mean everything to me,
Because after all you are my mentor,
And you are the best mentor that I could have ever had.

© The Scarlett poet