its 1am and I lay awake on my bed.
listening to the kids laugh and tease one another.
and I think to myself.
I am there mother.
each child unique.
each one with a dream of there own.
each one hoping to be happy.
each one having there own anxiety.
I lay here thinking.
do I deserve them.
do I play a roll in there lives.
do I make things easier for them.
or are there smiles just a disguise.
I lay here wondering
if they better of without me.
will they feel more free.
will they be more at ease.
I'm sure they feel scared when me and there dad
walk around each other like strangers
I'm sure they feel scared of being unsettled again.
so I lay here thinking
will they be better of
if I am gone.