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Sat there
Today...
Wasn't the first of these last few weeks
Sat there feeling like the biggest freak
Sat there while all her body could do was shake
Uncontrollably, it took over, while everything ached
Everything in her felt like it was just breaking

She had quit smoking
Quite a while ago but smoked again today
Feeling again like she is now burdening
Everyone, with her presence.
But it was more than that, for hours she tried distracting herself or working harder, she checked her hands but she was still trembling
The nicotine was supposed to calm her but it just wasn't adequate
But there she was still the same, did it for nothing, what an idiot

Scream into the nothingness
Bask in the Blackness
Accept you only bring bleakness

Change it if you dare
Do you need to or already care
Too much, but doesn't share

What are you doing!
She doesn't know really
The exhaustion of existing
Yet she still feels guilty
She's no longer capable
Of being there for them anymore
She's just trying to find her grounding
But how,
She just sat there...

© JPS2719