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-transparency and escape-
we had a subtle conversation about transparency
and it makes me think of my deceased father,
our relationship and natural proclivity for secrecy

trying to be open, I cringe with each divulgence of self
and internally shutter having untangled
a long-term, self told lie

I can feel the cigarettes doing their job, coating lungs in tar
and while self hate no longer bears fruit for my spirit
I long for an escape, from what, I do not know and for reasons I do not have

I paint in the garage with no real talent, but the end result is somewhat cathartic.
she looks over my shoulder and doesn't say a word, just lays back down in silence

music plays but no one's listening
it's all filler till our passions boil over
and even then we tend to get burnt

she's looking through me and I want to be clear
but understanding and application
are two very different things my dear