I am a solitary person.
A woman of shadows and low tones.
I leave most of myself to myself,
And my heart I have housed in a shell.

So when I tell you what I feel, I'm not ready.
but I am drowning, or falling in love.
Both times, a gruelling affair.
below, the ocean, deep, out of air.

Close to death, in the paralyzing cold,
I never put words to it otherwise.
So believe me when I say I am trapped.
I could not hold it in my lungs too long
and keep all of myself intact.

If you leave when I give voice to my heart,
the sound, all shaky and raspy and soft,
All I see is you turning your back as I drown,
and telling me you can't handle the sound.

It feels like I called out to nothing,
and you just let me grasp air in the cold.
and when I manage to get out on my own,
You greet me with a smile as if nothing had gone.

As if I hadn't dropped my parts in the ocean,
to pull myself up, alone.
I do not understand how you're surprised
when you could no longer find

that little something soft from my eyes.

© ciarawrites

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