Thank you for protecting me from the man you can see but not aim to be—yet. Though there is no guarantee you will truly be free, I will not wait for thee. I will try and try until tears and rain fall from my eyes. I must not be selfish and steal that which will break if not tended to correctly.

Will you hold it against me if I’d like to press play and not pause, read the fine lines of the fall, and ensure I have all the info before deciding to wrap gauze around my already shattered heart?
Which words from whose mouths will I take? I do not know yet, and I won’t know unless I move forward. Grant me peace by granting me permission to try—to try to build a life I cannot see because I cannot see far outside. I don’t get outside much.

I wish I did so I could tell you all the pretty things I see. I wish I did so I could share stories of what I breathe. But you and I are alike in the eyes of the One. I’m not sure if you believe, but I do, and that will be enough, I promise.
Thank you for protecting me and not lying to me. When we were together, it was a ride, wasn’t it? We rushed, and I don’t want that this time. It felt good. We felt good. It didn’t feel right, but it felt good. I was comfortable with you. I was happy with you—so very happy with you. But you weren’t, and I’m sorry. I’m trying to take measures.

But it hurts.

And I miss you.

This pain isn’t quite like it used to be.

It’s more raw and acute, like a laser pointer.

But I don’t feel it when I distract myself. In fact, when I don’t distract myself and I do nothing but think about it, my body swells with anticipated doom. I spiral, and I start thinking I manifested the chaos of the world because of how terrible I feel.
© Fae 💕