I sweep the ash from the fireplace
where I burned your letter.
Pick the crumbs of our love
out of the carpet where I worshipped you.
Paint over the agony
we both spattered on these walls.
Close the door. Click the lock.
This house is done and I am gone.
It's as empty as your promises.
As empty as I was full.
I hate you. I need you.
I fucking hate you. God, help me.
I hate you.

I turn and walk away
and it feels like I'm leaving you
instead of bare walls that will always echo.
It's been a year
since your perfidy and my idiocy
and not a day goes by
that I don't accidentally think of you.
Double over with the pain
and forget how to speak.
I imagine you're walking high right now
while your lies keep me buried low.

You're exactly where I said you'd be
and exactly where you swore you'd not.
Here, his lungs burn him alive
and his heart beats him into a pulp
and I sink further into this mattress
praying for it to smother me.
God, help me. I still love you.

© Averil Sperry