Trust. I tell you it’s something I will never give you, something you don’t deserve from me. I say it’s something you earned but lost in the blink of an eye. According to you my lack of trust is not enough to push you away. You swear you’ll always be there for me no matter what regardless of whether I trust you or not. Why do you take my trust for a game? Why do you expect me to rely on you after I admitted I don’t trust you? My mind spirals with conflicting thoughts and questions. Are you genuine? Are you fake? Do you care? Do I truly matter? Your actions show me one thing and your words show me another. I’m at a fork in the road I ask myself why I dont hate you...I can’t find a solid reason to hate you. Just like I overheard her say to him, “I hate you, I love you, I hate that I want you. Don’t want to but I can’t put nobody else above you.” You invade my day dreams and my dreams at night. The sound of your voice makes me smile. The notifications when you text or call me make my face light up. I said I don’t trust you so why are my own actions betraying me? Am I in denial of my feelings for you? Or am I trying to let you go from my heart but my heart is fighting me? When you’re in my presence everything feels so normal. I feel like I expect your presence to never leave me. But why would I think that if I say I don’t trust you? Maybe me saying I don’t trust you is a weak attempt for me to push you out of my heart when I already know it’s in your hands. I think you read my mind. I think you realized exactly what I was trying to do. So maybe it’s time that I take a deep breath and just fall. I’ll just fall because I know that when I do you’ll catch me in your arms without any hesitation. It’s time to admit that I’m completely fine with that. Because you catching me when I fall is the epitome of my trust in you. You’ve never let me down before and I know you ever will. You know better than anyone what trust is because you already know that I trust in you.
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