The tip of my tongue separates my lips
dry; loosely stuck together
Beyond me is a screaming voice, trailing off into nothingness
I do miss them, you? However I should refer…
The bags under my eyes deepen as a wave of realization washes over me
My numb, frozen fingers reach to carase my bluish-purple lips
I feel nothing, all senses dulled to their weakest points
Times like these my dying mind will wonder,
Wonder if I’ve ever felt a thing
I’ve always whispered, mumbling under my breath my disdain
Back when my blood flowed red, I held a sense of animosity,
of disgust, bitterness, and could even venture to say pain at the thought of you
Them? Us? Who cares…
And I wonder if my heart would beat at this moment,
I wonder if I’d regret those mumblings, those hostile feelings
If I were to know the future,
The state I’d be in without you...
Probably not, since we’ve always been the stubborn type, right?
And it hurts to say, or even just to think
But maybe that aggression, that hate
Maybe it was present because at one point it was love
I look into the mirror with my hollow eyes, pressing my cold hand onto my cold reflection
Have I ever loved you? If so, why didn’t you tell me?
-useless
Being in love with the ghost of my previous self?
The thought is ludicrous, a small crease of my mouth moves just to fade
I take my hand and place it back to my side,
Turning my body towards the door, reaching for the knob
As my grip turns and the door opens a forceful brightness consumes my features
Meeting the atmosphere and phasing into it to become one
The thought of my own heart fades to the back of my mind,
Soon to completely disappear to join the rest of me

Maybe my ghost can find love when this heart finally dies...

© Marah Schneider