I can't say I ever really enjoyed regular life reality. if I remember correctly it did not fill my life with any meaning whatsoever. and if I've learned anything it's that your life or in my opinion my life means nothing unless it has sufficient meaning. you can find meaning in many things especially what's already been presented to be of meaning. but what about the extraordinary meaning what about the flexibility of life what about the possibilities are endless what about conquering issues together going through the storm how beautiful that would be but I can't bear so much bland order structure division manipulation. I'm tired of paying to survive and never ever ending up with anything that's my own ever and that is how things should be once you pay up you get to choose what you do with it that's true but that'll never be a fact of our lifetime. so we're renting our lives just to be dictated and I know they try to teach that authority is not a bad thing but it certainly isn't benefiting me it's restricting access to many many horizons many many meaningful experiences. it distracts your mind and you lose touch with time life should not be a stress life should be beautiful life should be happy on its own you shouldn't have to do all these coping techniques I mean sure life isn't going to be roses every day but what is going on here and why why is everyone just so zoned into it I have no choice but to zone into it or continue suffering wishing for a true free will. not to mention survival within a city can be quite demeaning but I would have never expected that people around would judge . first off they know how hard it is next off that's all that was available to me if it was and at one point in time it wasn't but the fact that they bullied just made life so much more meaningless it took everything that I gathered and held on to that got me through each day devalued it and it turned it into a sob story and a need for change which is a regular life but where was everyone when I needed them they were nowhere around and they didn't want me around and they took people who would have stuck around and placed them in places that I wouldn't be able to reach them I know this I know this to be 100% true because it is my experience and I experienced it from my perspective from my point of view that I've reevaluated and made sure I know where people's heart weren't. I'm evicted and I don't want to be I'm going through issues that I've been subjected to maybe they don't understand just how much I'm in tune with their whole plan maybe this is a fault a mistake of their plan a variable that wasn't but trust me it is a variable that is through all of this they thought they could work as a team they thought that they were doing right by me or maybe they truthfully didn't will never know. I'm so tired of suffering I'm so tired of no one showing any appreciation for my silence for my repairs for my just being there for my sincerity for my true care I can't grasp what it is.
but I am I'm really suffering I keep saying it but that's all I can do I don't think anyone's moving along fast and they're still putting me down and they're still attacking me acting as other people speaking for them but they don't know the people that they're speaking for have it all interpreted wrong and I don't know what to answer what to say at this point everyone in my community is infecting me negatively and I don't even know if they know but I do know that they know and it's replaying in my mind except this time I'm more aware but maybe I'm a little bit too aware where there's no coming back from this there's no setting my mind back to a peaceful place where I don't think everyone's trying to invade on my privacy . maybe it's too late to ever trust anyone maybe it's too late to ever just feel okay to be me maybe it's too late to ever connect because I certainly will never agree to something that I didn't ask for it's like they thought my life was there a game I truly don't want to live but I know have to for now so I don't get the s***** end of the stick too bad but after all this is said and done to be honest I don't know who would have won but we're all this is said and done I don't know where I see myself
I wish you never turned on me to the degree that you did I wish you never went along with their joke because you know it's not right I mean look at the not write things that happened to you I thought you wanted to fight for what's really right but the whole time it's either this or that and you never really had a true passion I wish I would have known that you did not support me in fact you're the last person that should have done all their work and you did it so well and coming from you the one I adore it hurts much much more and it always will I don't think you realize what they have or maybe you I don't know anymore I don't know anything and I should

© hailtheesavage