I was naked and fat so afraid. I just wanted to swim but they stripped my clothes away. Beat on and sexually abused so afraid. I was only four. My mom laughed as she came home. First time I ever remember. I don't want to steel her happiness. Ill deal with this alone. Surely my step brother won't keep this going. I am strong I am on my own. I stood up for myself until I was grown. But why did they always steal my clothes? Just a scared naked fat kid trying to get home. When I did I had to be around him for years. the damage came when I let the numbness go. Why am I so worthless do I even have a soul? I have found myself in a lot of ways. Its really hard living life this way. I can still see a little fat kid in the mirror. I mean hell its only been 33 years. I used to look up and cuss at God. A desire so deep just to end it all. Not able to understand no one deserves to be treated this way. As a child Filled with anger and rage. By 9 the alcohol would wash it away. Its ok numb the pain and go to sleep. You won the young authors competition that will be neat. Oh dang mom didn't take you she didn't want to go. Oh well its ok she doesn't know. I hope something gives I'm making all F's. Does it even matter no one knows I exist. Its a crazy world find your voice and don't give in. Don't let others choices reflect on what you see within. Your choice is your reaction consequences come directly from it. When It's bad know someone has it worse. Just a scared little kid could be begging for the hurst. To young to know never even able to live. Always be kind you don't see the damage within. Find your strength and grow give it to God. The very things you lived thru will help the next generation along. Life isn't easy but its always worth living. When your weakness becomes a strength. You realize its just beginning.
© Kristopher Gossett