I'm a cynic
Forgive me, life is no picnic
It's actually filled with disappointment
Everywhere you turn
Your words can be twisted no matter how good the intent
But one day they will all learn
Or so you hope.

Hope.
Funny.
Thought you were gloomy,
So where did this "hope" come from?

I know I'm a terrible friend, sister, daughter
Am I?
Or is that what they want me to believe?

Hmm. But I'm smarter than that, stronger even
Do you think so?
Then why so easy to deceive?

So conflicted.
If I'm so wise, then why so easily affected?
It blinds me, this mind.

Making excuses for me, making excuses for them, but do they?
Do they try to understand your point or nay
Or do they only understand what is communicated in spoken word?
Because the hidden word is just unheard
Because if you say nothing,
Then you're just b*tching and moaning.

When I sit down opposite an actual human,
Suddenly I can't do it, why be a burden?
When I sit down to write,
It opens up a skylight,
It's like fire ignites.

I think I'll always feel like a freak
For being this way, quite weak
But you don't know and also do not need to
I've cried in the arms of someone I trusted
She heard me, everything, but I was treated like the bad guy
Knew me longer, but I learned I was nothing important to them that day
I hope I'm here to see them all pay
One day

Truth is this is who I am
I'm not the best, definitely no gift
Looking for validation since they stepped on me
But they'll fail, nothing could really uplift me.

Every day I wake up, I survive
I don't get up to live
Not yet
But one day I think I'll find peace
I'll pick up each and every piece
The constant nightmare will be but a memory I eventually forget.

© JPS2719