I find myself talking to the ghost of your essence,
I ponder in the loneliness awaiting your presence.
Looking threw the memories that intertwined our souls.
The beginning and endings,
My tears began to flow.
Pregnant with your baby that moment I broke,
excruciating internal pain, lord knows I can never fully explain.
What would it have been like if I had stayed?
Thou still a question that will always remain.
I always will remember this pain,
I never been this vulnerable in my entire life,
But I also had no one to give me any advice.
I walked these nights completely alone,
The darkest place inside began to grow,
A emptiness inside my chest,
A hollow soul put to rest.
I vowed that I would become better,
But without you I felt completely sevired.
Every moment I lied awake,
Was every moment I mentally sank.
Whenever you came around,
I was met with my deepest desires,
Wanting to dive right into your embrace,
But was met with a solem stone cold face.
Flashing back to all the fights where I was met with drunken eyes emtiper than sweet white lies,
My heart rebroke a million times.
As time went on the pain grew thicker,
I saw you lost weight and was offly thinner,
Everyday you seemed to grow sicker.
Met with this awful taste, I wished I could replace your pain,
Regardless of the mishaps that took place,
You will always be the only person who has my heart in hand,
Even if you wanna crush it or mend it back you can.
Every night I sat alone, a picnic table over grown,
Looking into the dark forestry view,
Set a tone, that it was set in stone,
My heart you now don't own.
Overwhelmed with our chats,
They never went well or seemed to last.
Brewing in the mist of tension,
Custody began of mention,
Our little girl left to listen.
Night terrors she awakes,
Her beautiful soul was enduring pain,
Mommy held her while she ached,
I caught her tears while ashamed.
Inside and out I tried to hide my pain,
But emotionally straught I remained.
Constantly stone cold sober,
My depression grew much bolder.
Surrounded by doubts and regret,
I didn't know it at the time but I was honestly blessed.
Carrying number two,
I didn't know what I was going to do.
Lost and confused,
I took the loss and i made a move,
My choices I thought at the time where right,
But in the end they took my mind.
I fight to stay present and I fight to remain,
But I'll always fight for the ones I love to this day.
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