We made it very
formal, like a trail we said.
when I said I like talking to you, and that you make me happy,
you said that I showed I cared.
So we became friends.

but I was uneasy because I got mixed signals, so I said,
That sometimes i feel like you wanna be with me,
and other times you just shrug me off, indifferent, cold.

You said that you’re sorry for those times,
and that it was you, and not me.
that you were in a weird mood, and I shouldn’t take it personally.

So after we discussed this,
We kinda took it slow,
But then you invited me to your house
And we had a grand time.

We went out had fun,
And had deep discussions on the trampoline,
We jammed on your guitars,
And we hugged when I had to leave.

I enjoyed that evening very much, and liked many others too
When I would be laughing and talking on the phone with you.

All was good up until this month
When you started being curt,
It is happening all over again
and that pisses me off.

You are allowed a break. 100 percent.
You don't want to be with me all the time,
I get that. I don't expect you to.
What I don't get is why you snob me out
when you see me, only to be nice the
following day, acting like nothing happened?

And why does it hurts so much?
It hurts.
It hurts.
It hurts.
oh god it hurts.

And I don't want it to hurt.

And today I wanted to ask you about all of this, but you were cold in the morning to me, so I didn't.
But when I asked you in the afternoon if you believe in letting go or in confrontations, you looked me in the eye for the first time in a while and said, do whichever one you want.

I'm confused, does that mean that you know that you're doing it again?

Right before I went home I bumped into you, I looked up to you, and in a hurt voice said, I didn't ask what I should do, but what you believe in. I then turned around and left, not waiting for a reply.

So if you decided to not say anything about it,
Then neither will I.
But I will no longer be your close friend.
It will be a slow yet painful goodbye.

And even if you do say something about it,
I don't know what I'll do.
Because, I trusted you and I thought we had it good with that behind us.
But this keeps on happening,
And I'm getting hurt, and the more
invested I am, the more I will hurt.

And I don't know if all the good times, hugs, and feeling wanted, needed, and loved, is worth it for this kinda hurt.



© Naomi