When I receive praise, it feels uncomfortable.
When I am told that I am exceptional at the things I know best.
There is a pressure in the pit of my chest.
I know most expect gratitude for their compliments.
Expecting me to produce a “thank you” when I am unable.
They never understand my hesitance.

When I am told I am pretty, I roll my eyes.
The thought that I could be attractive has never struck my mind.
The same happens when anyone tells me that I am kind.
I sense doubt in their words of praise.
Bewildered because I believe that they are either blind or telling lies.
This sense is felt throughout most of my days.

Friendly gestures throw me off balance.
I hate to admit that a part of me enjoys pleasing.
But I never understood why compliments feel so demeaning.
I try to play it off as low self-esteem.
Taking their positive opinions with reluctance.
As if they were planning a grotesque scheme.

Flattering notions make me cringe.
Why do I view them as toxic positivity?
I don't mean to reply with insensitivity.
I would love to just respond with anything other than a hesitant “thanks”.
When I speak, the words just singe.
Favorable answers just turn up as blanks.

I hear you loud and clear.
Somehow I have done something right.
Feeling exposed under every light.
Are they commending me while hiding their resentments?
Why is assurance a constant fear?
Why do compliments feel like punishments?

© A. Tenney