Every year i like to stand here
because every year gives me a reason to stand here
i’d feel the arid air encompassing me and inhale the humidity
the weather is so different at night than in the morning
the hazardous heat clears up and you’re left with the non presence of the sun and its remains: humidity
i’d get goosebumps from the cold breeze approaching me left and right
but it doesn’t bother me
what other time of day would i get to savor a moment like this?

i’d watch the stars witness this moment so that i can come back a year later and ask them if they still remember

i always remember.
i remember the stars that stood out most and the ones i had to look closely to see if they were there
and i remember the ones i would take a step back for because the clouds covered them up
i remember it like it was yesterday

i remember asking them how i’d ever get through it, just a year before i’d get through it
i’d ask them if they knew what the future holds and if they could spare me, because i had no patience. i couldn’t be bothered to wait another year anymore
and yet another three years go by and i’m forced to wait some more
i couldn’t cheat or ask because i’d never have an answer

i remembered when i had no answers i’d cry here i’d scream here i’d wish to jump from here
i’d pace back and forth here and i’d stand still right here
observing the world around me
i’d match the stars together, in hopes of forming a constellation
just to find peace in settling on any answers at all. anything definite anything i was sure of
just anything, even if i had to make it up

i tried to make sense of them, possibly demeaning their presence as i was only human,
so how else could i understand anything without limiting its existence?
the stars were the only crowd that never judged me
maybe it’s because they were already long gone