Inspired by the Lana del Rey song - Ride
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There’s a war in my mind
That I can’t seem to escape it, I can’t let it go
I continuously ask the universe to free me from my self deprecating cage
I try to hold onto this make shift reality
But I feel all alone
Maybe I’ve sinned too much in my past life
Maybe the anxiety’s of my present are catching up to me
Maybe I just care to much
Maybe that’s what’s ruining me
That’s what’s bringing me to my knees
I just want to feel mentally free
The world has stuck itself deep into my psyche
Told me how to act
How to be
How to breathe
How to think
I ask the universe repeatedly to free me
Burnt out and feeling alone
I can’t even make long lasting friendships
Looking at my back mirror
Counting up all my dead ends
I’m so good at fake talking
Fake walking
Been an actor all my life
Secretly I’m so insecure that it’s torturing me
Can’t decide if I should stay in the dark or come out into the light
Been battling these mental demons all my life
I’m stuck in a metabolic cage
It’s alive, it’s all around me
Covered in thrones, sun flowers and pretty red rose bushes
I want to escape so much that this depression is consuming me
Don’t know what to truly believe
Am I the bad guy or is it all just in my head
Am I the self absorbed victim that I say I am
I just feel angry all the time
And sad
Can’t escape this manipulated reality
Want to run away
But I can’t escape myself
No matter the drugs I take
Or the content I watch
Or the people I externally escape into
I ask the universe, I ask god
To free me
Why can’t I free me?
Someone has to come save me, right?
I mean I’m begging someone to come open this cage
Though I’m scared I’m gonna hurt someone
Hurt them with my words and my actions
Worried that my traumas will come to the surface
I’m scared my reality is shifting into something I can’t control
Want to find a payphone and call my mom
I just wanna go home
I want to call my past versions of me
The little kid me who had no clue what was really going on
Been feeling so lonely
And sometimes I think it’s my own fault
Not sure where to walk to
What to say or do to turn this pain into self proclaimed power
All my thoughts have been turning sour
I just want mental peace
This world is actually fucking ruining me
I try to escape it all when I can
I read tons of books, and watch y-tube vids about ocean life
I smoke marble cigarettes out on my back porch so I can day dream as the smoke swirls in mid air
I call my so called “friends “ but secretly I can’t stand the thought of them
I seem to hate everything and everyone around me but at the same time I yearn for acceptance
Can’t seem to get my life to go into a new direction
I feel stuck, I seem lost
I used to think I’m my own boss but that’s some capitalistic bullshit
I just crave love and acceptance
I want to get rid of these mental demons
Find a new body to inhibit
Can’t seem to properly pivot my perspective
Stuck in my past, I’m holding on to my bed sheets at night
Sometimes I think of killing myself to escape
With a noose and a zip tie
No one knows how I truly feel
I just smile and fake laugh, I fake talk and I fake walk
Deep down these emotions are tidal waves that I can’t seem to control
I feel fucking emotionally wrecked
Writing is my therapy but my words can only hold so much
One day it just might not be enough
I beg again for someone to come save me
I cry for it in the music I listen to
I crave for it in the relationships I can’t seem to keep
I mourn for the 20 year old person I could be with out all this baggage
I want to be free
I pray and I scream and I beg
I cry and cry
But no one comes to save me
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Epilogue:
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I know they tell me that I hold all the power in my hands
That I can change whenever I want 2
But I just don’t believe it
I just feel all alone
Cause truthfully
There’s a constant war in my mind


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