THE PRETENSE
BY C.WYNTER

I've been lying to myself for a while now, hiding behind a fake persona,
Thinking if I fake it, it will be ok and depression will be over,
So I smiled a lot more so not to bother anyone with these feelings,
I'm scared, so I try harder to let others think I'm healing,
I feel like a broken record when I talk about the darkness,
Feel I will be abandoned, mocked even, if I talk about the Madness,
But I don't sleep much anymore, I no longer have any dreams,
The days just mix together, and I feel heavy with defeat,
I don't have any motivation, can't get numb by non existent meds,
I try to distract myself, from the negativity within my head,
I am tired of myself, it's hard to breathe as I face everyday,
Pretending that I got it together, but the pain won't go away,
Gosh, I'm failing terribly, here comes the voice asking why am I here?,
Not much is keeping me grounded, all that's left is disappointment and tears,
That I don't cry on the outside anymore, to show that I'm just fine,
But the pretense of keeping it all together, is really fucking with my mind.


© C.Wynter