I wished you did not miss me because the though of that hurts to the core
I wished I did not ever have to feel the pain,
of you not missing me even more. 
I think back to our times at home
 your first memories of being so small in my arms
The hours I spent watching you dream 
Wishing and hoping i could be the best mother I could be 
for you to get the best life you deserve from me.
Thoughts of our memories over and over,
 like a movie real on repeat
Trying my hardest  to not try to dweal on what could be
 Consumed by the hurt of when they took you from me,
Forbibben 
 Like im some dangerous beast
no goodbye allowed to be given from me 
I wish that wasnt something that consumes your night terorred dreams
Maybe its because we were left with 
No answers to grieve...
Now caught up on these streets, no clear path to be clean 
How do you ever heal when someone has stolen your only reason to breathe.
Praying for god to bestowed upon me
Dancing with the devil isn't a life i want lead
Your voice in my head saying 
"Don't worry momma, I'll always be in your heart and you for me."
I wish I could fix the mistakes I regretfully made
I wish I knew what I know now today
I wish it wasn't the knowledge of rights that would make us the pray
it consumes me like cancer
making me a emotional prisoner against my will
Wishing they meant it when they said, with time comes heal
I am lost with no where to call my own 
Wish I could blink and all this would be gone
So I can finally be at home, 
Because home is not a house with 4 walls
Its a caramel colored, blue eyed, beautiful girl.
Only where you are, I will finally be complete
My only wish is that you will find peace
That another family raises you better than me
That one day I will have you here with me
Not some imaginary dream that i dream 
Exactly how it was meant to be 
When your old enough to see 
 that my love for you will always be, 
Waiting here patiently... until time can set you free and your back at home with me. 

#cps #kidnapped #adopted #taken #hurt #pain #loss #imissyou #distantmother #ambigiousloss