I don't feel ready to write, but I will anyways. I have so much anger built up from the monsters I had to face as a child. The kind of anger that never goes away even when you accept it or let it go. The image in my head is clear, a 6 foot man behind me and a girl no longer crying for help in front of me. Illusion... I say to myself. A sad, pitiful soul that watched as others were defiled by that 6 foot man. Illusion... I wish it to be, but at last, it is a folly. An ignorance that plagues me, for good reason... but I know this ignorance is falling apart. The demons inside me are rushing out and haunting my dreams at night. Lately, these nightmares are keeping me up, I don't wish to be lonely. But, I am. As I'm writing this, the 6 foot man stands before me smiling as if he knows I'll fail at the future I so desire. The girl in front of me is just quiet, I don't see her anymore ever since the 6 foot man took her soul. I now only see marbles in her eyes that pretend to be a soul. Image... I keep repeating to myself, it's fake... each time I say that, tears run down my face and when I look up, I see my demons. These demons follow me, help me please... or maybe it's too late for my soul. I wish I was enough to save the ones I loved, I regret that I just stood there and watched. I would've died if I tried to protect her, excuses, I know. But, it's the ignorance that helps me sleep, my willful ignorance is what got me far enough to escape my hell. I wish to be the girl in the image above, a new start, a new world and beauty surrounding me. The picture reminds me of a snowy day in Washington State. I was in the woods as a kid, excited to look at a flower I saw the day before. A beautiful flower that rested next to a fallen tree, it had a blue pneumatic feel to it. It felt so real, that when you looked at it, you couldn't help but smile. It felt nostalgic and took away my anger inside, my anger is washing away just thinking about it. The flower, though blue, it had white on the inside of it's bloom. It smelled like a woman and it made me smile.

© Process-12