It is easier to run from the truth. The past. Than to face it. How a few years can go by so fast.
All the bad memories hidden behind the smile of today's new shopping list. Not today, no bloody fist.
So you buy whatever you can to make you forget. Afraid that your decision would push you to regret.
You buy gifts, clothing, food to make everyone smile, the relief to hide the ache just for a while, while you wipe your tears before you go to sleep. What is your sleep? eyes wide open until your alarm clock beeps.
You hide your pain when you look at people who are genuinely happy. For that few seconds you do forget.
Ashamed of the unnecessary guilt, you repent. You have time, suddenly for everything else. The gift of making others so happy even when they feel like empty shells. Time to work. Time to be there, be present.
But you forgot that you couldn't buy the time you needed to heal. If only it was that easy to seal. Your time, if you had to be honest with yourself feels exhausting. I know it's daunting. So You give yourself a time frame to try and stop the memories. But God shows you that youl run out of ways, tire yourself from trying to get away from those days. You want to to forget, but maybe trying to forget is part of God's timing, to heal. This was not supposed to be a deal. So the little voice that wants to rush and forget all about it, should take a breath, crush it, inhale everything that broke you and exhale all that woke you. Accept that your life looks alot different to what it used to be and start loving it equally for the things you cannot see.