"Hi! How are you?"

"How am I? Thats a loaded question"

"What was that?"

"Oh nothing, Im fine. How are you?"

"Im great! By the way, there this thing I wanted to talk about-"

Oh good, talk more. Distract me from the burning in my bones. If im honest, im getting dizzy, dissociating as we speak.But ill be fine, keep talking. I wont remember this I know, i cant focus on anything right now but keep talking and later when you ask me ill tell a lie and say my memory is the worst.

"How have you been spending your time?"

Oh god, not a question aimed at me

"You know, the usual. Just chilling"

Yes, thats perfect. A casual coverup, dont let them know your head is spinning and your body stings as the too baggy clothes brustle against your skin. Dont let them know youve spent the last three days staring at the cieling counting every second until you feel like you can breathe.

"Oh cool! Do you want to hang out sometime?"

Why cant they just go? No thats wrong, I care for them. But why cant they just go? I dont want them to see me like this. Please, start talking again. Keep this conversation away from me. Ill play dodge ball with your words, Im an expert at outrunning any question.

"Sure! When do you have in mind?" Keep them out of the water, keep them off your tail. Play it off. Its fine. Tell another lie, keep them talking.

"Anytime works for me! I dont have very busy schedule."

Shit what now? How do I dodge that?

"Im busy all this week, so whenever after that."

Yes, this is fine. Give me a week, maybe I'll get myself together. If not I'll cancel. Just like I always do.

"Hey, are you alright? You dont look so good. You cant talk to me if you need"

No no no no, I dont need to talk I need you to talk dont pay attention to me. Please, just stop.

"Im just tired! I really should get going, actually. I have chores to do at home and then I should get some sleep."

Get. Out. Of. Here.

"Okay, that makes sense. Make sure to get some sleep!" They say.


I get home and collapse on my bed. This is fine. Im fine.


The bathtub is screaming my name.


Im fine.

No one needs to see me right now.

I dont need to see anyone right now.

Ill be fine. Its just an episode. Ill make it through this episode. Ill be better, I just need a little a time.


Ill go back to being the good friend soon enough, Its just an episode. Ill be fine.

Ill get up start walking. I walk down the street and I walk down road, I make it to the highway and keep walking.

I start talking to myself as I walk, counting each rock I see.

Someone pulls over and asks if I need a ride.

"No, Im fine! Just going for a walk"

They drive away and I keep on walking, I talk and talk and walk my way to hell.

Will anyone miss me? I wonder.

If I never walked back, would they notice?

I feel head get louder and tighter and I'm not sure whats around me anymore.

The world spins and the ground beneath me falls away and I realize that all I can do anymore

is just keep talking.