Hopelessness feels so cold
Carelessness is too bold
This is not what I hoped for.
Just know it was always you I adore
but I lost my place in line.
I have spent too much time
Helping everyone yet ignoring myself.
Constantly breathing in and drowning in stealth.
No one ever really understood what was going on with me. - I am sorry, my son.
I do not know that I will always be there to tell you, you were always the one.
The one I was striving to impress
But I failed, I guess -I am fucking useless.
If anything you have given me a reason to hold on longer.
I wish I could have been more, had been stronger.
You deserve nothing but the best.
I gave you so much less.
I have been walking in shame,
bleeding out the blame.
So quick to put it all on your dad,
breaking me; breaking bad.
However, it started before him and before you.
As you grew,
so did my the shame from my past faults
Brain, mental, depression, summersaults.
You, you are stronger than us all.
I know with or without me you will not fall.
My baby boy, just know this
I love you more than life itself from
our very first touch, to our very last kiss.

© L.C Myers