our past breaks me in the present
i keep remembering how you talked to those girls
how flirty and playful you were with them
while you also be flirty with me too
how you say the same things you say to me to them
how you keep telling them you miss them
i never ever see that side of you towards me
makes me wonder if that's the real you or not
which side of you are you showing to me?
which is real and which is fake?
i never seen you be so vocal about yourself
the sweet and kind words you say to them
that I wished you would say to me
it hurts how much you look forward to talk to them again
yet, you never bother text me first
it hurts that every time i remember your conversation with them
it makes me wanna be distant, heal and protect myself
maybe i should do that
cause afterall this time,
i am nothing to you
but just a filipina woman
be head over heels to you
maybe ..
we will just never be that kinda couple i have in my head
we'll never a couple who overcame all hardships in life
cause I keep remembering our past
the kind of past that still matters in the present
cause i'm afraid this present might be the same as the past
that you might be talking to me
while you talk to another girl
yes I worry about girls
cause it was girls who you chase before
makes me wonder if what you said to her was real
that you think of her often
when I read that before, broke me a lot
do you think of her even when you talk to me?
or do you also think of another girl while you do me?
the fact that we do more than what couples do
and yet you dont love me too
breaks me even more
the fact that you can do that to me
without feeling responsible about it
hurts a thousand more
and i'll never be more to you
like how you are so much more to me
and i keep letting you hurt me
keep letting you break me
cause i have lost
and until I find the courage to move on from you
until I feel emotionless
until I detach from you
you can hurt me all kinds of way
and I bet you won't feel sorry at all
and I keep writing and writing about us
cause sometimes the way you treat me
makes me forget of our past
the way you treat me makes me believe that you love me
but then I will remember the past again
and it makes me question everything
which chapter am I in this story of us already?
should I still be staying?
or should I go away?
I feel lost
lost the game of love
lost, cause i dont know where i stand in your life
lost, cause i dont know what i am to you
lost, cause i dont know what to do
and if i say all these to you
i bet all I could hear is "i'm sorry"
like sorry will just make the pain go
I guess im just waiting for you to say
"forget the past"
"thats not me anymore"
"I choose you"
"i love you"
"just you"
i guess im just waiting for this kind of assurance
for all my worry to go away
but, i'd just laugh at my fantasies
i'm just bound to feel this pain
the pain that you gave me.


© wrhyn