Sometimes I feel different than others.
Most of the time I feel different than others.
I lock myself up in the
Comfort of my home.
My surroundings.
I want
Friendship,
But I can't gain it.
Even outside my comfort zone,
My mind is
Closed to others.
I hear what I choose to hear.
I see what I choose to see.
I live how I choose to live.
It isn't a choice.
It is a way of life for me.
I am, in my
Mind,
Not worthy of friendship.
I feel
Useless.
Hopeless.
Worthless.
I am sick.
I feel like doing the Unthinkable.
I want more,
But I can't get it.
I want to be loved.
I don't feel loved.
I feel lost.
I want love.
I want to be
Held,
Loved.
I don't want to be
Alone.
But even in the presence of others
I am so Alone.
I crave a bit of
Normalcy.
Why do I feel like
Dying?
Why do I want to
Die?
I am different.
I think differently.
I can't think,
Sometimes.
All my thoughts are jumbled.
I feel lots of emotions
A lot of the time.
I don't like the
Light of day.
I like the
Darkness.
I think better in the
Darkness.
I think.
I don't know.
I don't know what I want.
I don't know
Anything.
I think of death
As a way out.
Out of the misery.


© Kristin E. Porter
2008