Being raped feels like being uncomfortably high on a drug you did not want to take in the first place,
And now you are taking more because he is telling you to relax,
But all-in-all, you just want to fucking scream'
And tell it to STOP,
To get out of your bloodstream,
To get the fuck out of your system,
But screaming and freaking out, will only make it worse ,
More intense,
More, more, more
Of the bad you do not even want.

Being raped feels like underaged drinking,
And getting alcohol poisoning
You keep throwing up just thinking about consumption,
So you keep heaving and heaving,
Until you are throwing up again;
Ashamed,
Embarrassed,
Disgust,
And disappoint stain your skin,
Making you queasy,

And here you are,
Dying to rip your flesh right off your bones
Rip, rip, rip
You scrub off any remaining marks,
And hold your stomach as you fight off your urge to barf

"How could he do this to me?"
You keep asking yourself over and over,
As if it was even your fault-

Being raped feels like there is no escape,
And you are just laying there,
Squeezing your eyes so tight,
Hoping that somehow,
You will be able to block out the nightmare

Hoping that you can find your happy place,
Because,
He's pinned you down
And he's incredibly heavy,
And you are really tiny,
And his breath smells foul
And his sweat tastes disgusting as it falls on your lips,
And you feel like dying,
But you also feel like screaming and crying,
And putting up a fight
But shame takes over
And you swallow inside of yourself,
And you do not even bother to move,
Because now you are in pain,
And he's already cum a dozen times,
And now you feel like a tornado is stirring up inside of you,
Humiliation and disgust,
Makes you want to rip your skin clear off,


Burn it,
Run from it,
Throwing it away,

Because not even you can recognize the skin you were once purely dressed in,
You cannot even recognize yourself anymore,

Because how can you want something you never even asked for?
How could you want all of the disgust, abuse and torment that is tagging along with it?

Being raped feels a lot like a toxic yet abusive relationship-

Isolation,
Self-hatred,
Abuse, abuse, abuse,

No boundaries,
No respect,
No remorse

Being raped feels like you are the filthiest person on the planet,
As if you even asked for it.

Being raped feels like you are all alone in this world,
Even when you are not.

When you find yourself struggling to cope,
Struggling to find your way,

Whether your rapist was someone you once claimed a friend, an ex, or a stranger;
Just know, I will carry you back from the dead and decaying,
I will bring back your light,
Because,
You are not alone,
And you will never be alone,
I am here,
And I will love you,
Nurture you,
And guide you home.


© Silky Sylph