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This was gonna be my suicide letter
Tonight my mother, I'm sailing across an ocean made of my tears searching for a peaceful death to set my soul free.
Tonight my mother, both sides of my pillow are ruined and even my bed sheet, I wish I didn't wake u up I tried my best to hold it inside me so that I would be the only one who hears my screams.
Tonight my mother, the room is so dark that I can't even see the darkness, will it be that dark in my own grave?
Tonight my mother, I want to unsee everything I've seen so far because it's so heavy to carry all these trauma with u all way long I don't wanna take it with me to my grave, I want to unmeet everyone I met, I don't want their memories to stick with me, I want my heart back, I want that innocent cheerful kid back, they ruined my heart with their dirty hands mother, I was a Barby they tuned me to Annabelle, they brainwashed me with their lies, they broke me and left me right after.
Tonight my mother, my heart aches, the pain is getting worse and I want it to end so bad that I'm in the kitchen standing looking at ur collection of knives, thinking if these fancy knives would end my sufferance .
Tonight my mother, I'm having one of the hardest nights while u are sleeping like an angel, I wish I could sleep like that, believing that everything's fine.
Tonight my mother I want to give up, my thoughts are wrapping my chest so tightly that I can barely breathe.
Tonight my mother, is the night I want to kill myself, and then I will be the one sleeping like an angel, and u'll be the one standing in the kitchen looking at a sacred knife ful of my own blood, u'll see a filthy dark red blood and then u would know what ur daughter went through, but u never asked.
And tomorrow my mother , the day after, my skinny body will be in my grave lying down wrapped in white curtains, my soul flying around watching the sunset or playing among the clouds, while ppl talking shit about me in my funeral, ppl that I don't know, ppl that never asked about how I feel not even once, let them mother, let them call me weak, let them call me a sinner, God knows better.
Tomorrow my mother, there will be no tomorrow for me but life goes on, life doesn't stop at the death of sm1, don't blame urself mother I forgive u.
Tomorrow my mother, u will be reading this and it's gonna be too late to do something about it, I just want u to know that m sorry I couldn't make u proud, I couldn't be as good as my sister, I always did the wrong choices, the wrong forbidden things, but I hope u understand that I couldn't take it anymore.
© Titania
Tonight my mother, both sides of my pillow are ruined and even my bed sheet, I wish I didn't wake u up I tried my best to hold it inside me so that I would be the only one who hears my screams.
Tonight my mother, the room is so dark that I can't even see the darkness, will it be that dark in my own grave?
Tonight my mother, I want to unsee everything I've seen so far because it's so heavy to carry all these trauma with u all way long I don't wanna take it with me to my grave, I want to unmeet everyone I met, I don't want their memories to stick with me, I want my heart back, I want that innocent cheerful kid back, they ruined my heart with their dirty hands mother, I was a Barby they tuned me to Annabelle, they brainwashed me with their lies, they broke me and left me right after.
Tonight my mother, my heart aches, the pain is getting worse and I want it to end so bad that I'm in the kitchen standing looking at ur collection of knives, thinking if these fancy knives would end my sufferance .
Tonight my mother, I'm having one of the hardest nights while u are sleeping like an angel, I wish I could sleep like that, believing that everything's fine.
Tonight my mother I want to give up, my thoughts are wrapping my chest so tightly that I can barely breathe.
Tonight my mother, is the night I want to kill myself, and then I will be the one sleeping like an angel, and u'll be the one standing in the kitchen looking at a sacred knife ful of my own blood, u'll see a filthy dark red blood and then u would know what ur daughter went through, but u never asked.
And tomorrow my mother , the day after, my skinny body will be in my grave lying down wrapped in white curtains, my soul flying around watching the sunset or playing among the clouds, while ppl talking shit about me in my funeral, ppl that I don't know, ppl that never asked about how I feel not even once, let them mother, let them call me weak, let them call me a sinner, God knows better.
Tomorrow my mother, there will be no tomorrow for me but life goes on, life doesn't stop at the death of sm1, don't blame urself mother I forgive u.
Tomorrow my mother, u will be reading this and it's gonna be too late to do something about it, I just want u to know that m sorry I couldn't make u proud, I couldn't be as good as my sister, I always did the wrong choices, the wrong forbidden things, but I hope u understand that I couldn't take it anymore.
© Titania
