a lot of things could have gone more wrong.
they could have found me choked on my own puke
or drowned in 3 inches of clogged shower water.
how did they get the door open?
who put my clothes on?
what did I say?

the world ends even in love songs now.
I should be more afraid, but
my own near death seems far away.
I should be thanking god and
finding religion. I should be kneeling
and promising to be good,
pouring my liquor down the sink.
I’ve been doing none of this.

I haven’t been held in a while
and I think I feel myself coming apart.
I think I always see things coming
but I didn’t see this. my high school friend’s
words turn prophetic
as I tumble down predictably.
I’ve never been afraid of drowning.