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pretending to be ok, stuffing down tears
At a young age, I put on an act.
I pretended I was okay everyday.
I was coping by hiding and masturbating alone in my room in a rush afraid to get caught.
I was crying. I blew my nose at the end of my sheets so there would be no tissues as evidence while I was weeping.
I'd wipe away the tears coming from my room, and coming from school.
As soon as I walk through the door I pretended to be okay, and happy.
I'd look proper in front of everybody especially Daddy. I didn't want to get yelled at or in trouble by my mom.
I was mad at her for yelling at my dad and slamming the door.
So, I mostly stayed alone in my room. While playing at the end of the road, you already know about the guy in the car that shoved my head down.
That old man also told me not to tell or I'd be in trouble. So all the messages I received under 12 years old where to pretend I was okay and not to tell about the agony inside I was trying to hide. The traumas kept piling up I felt like I was drowning I started acting up I had no way to cope I have knee surgery I had to stop sports
I loveed figure skating on the ice and receiving stars on my paper I had to stop all my sports how else would I let go of the emotional stress that built up I'd watch porn at my aunt's I would be hiding acting out pretending I sounded like the porn stars that were getting pounded. I became a pornstar around 12 years old I never told anyone I kept hiding in the corners behind the school and the boys and girls club and I'd ask everyone if they wanted me to spit or swallow.. I asked every man I was good at that act I pretended I was a star and got attention
the word got around my superpowers and also the boys would come up to me and say they heard of me
meanwhile, I'm choking down the tears looking to escape my mind with no one to tell..in 1994 I was 13 years old smoking cocaine out of a tire gauge We put a dollar in for gas to get the providence.. sometimes we'd go to route 6 and stay at the Johnson motor Lodge. We have our cocaine and a bunch of men that's all I remember my brain is still blocking it out...they're terrible memories it was a switch on the side of the wall to put the porn on the TV. So I had to keep with that act for so long, I was very strong at holding on. as soon as everything was done and I was alone I was weeping, sobbing tears so hard but then I had to wipe them away and pretend I was okay. If ...
I pretended I was okay everyday.
I was coping by hiding and masturbating alone in my room in a rush afraid to get caught.
I was crying. I blew my nose at the end of my sheets so there would be no tissues as evidence while I was weeping.
I'd wipe away the tears coming from my room, and coming from school.
As soon as I walk through the door I pretended to be okay, and happy.
I'd look proper in front of everybody especially Daddy. I didn't want to get yelled at or in trouble by my mom.
I was mad at her for yelling at my dad and slamming the door.
So, I mostly stayed alone in my room. While playing at the end of the road, you already know about the guy in the car that shoved my head down.
That old man also told me not to tell or I'd be in trouble. So all the messages I received under 12 years old where to pretend I was okay and not to tell about the agony inside I was trying to hide. The traumas kept piling up I felt like I was drowning I started acting up I had no way to cope I have knee surgery I had to stop sports
I loveed figure skating on the ice and receiving stars on my paper I had to stop all my sports how else would I let go of the emotional stress that built up I'd watch porn at my aunt's I would be hiding acting out pretending I sounded like the porn stars that were getting pounded. I became a pornstar around 12 years old I never told anyone I kept hiding in the corners behind the school and the boys and girls club and I'd ask everyone if they wanted me to spit or swallow.. I asked every man I was good at that act I pretended I was a star and got attention
the word got around my superpowers and also the boys would come up to me and say they heard of me
meanwhile, I'm choking down the tears looking to escape my mind with no one to tell..in 1994 I was 13 years old smoking cocaine out of a tire gauge We put a dollar in for gas to get the providence.. sometimes we'd go to route 6 and stay at the Johnson motor Lodge. We have our cocaine and a bunch of men that's all I remember my brain is still blocking it out...they're terrible memories it was a switch on the side of the wall to put the porn on the TV. So I had to keep with that act for so long, I was very strong at holding on. as soon as everything was done and I was alone I was weeping, sobbing tears so hard but then I had to wipe them away and pretend I was okay. If ...
